And I'm late as always

It's been dang near impossible to get the computer away from Mike lately. I apologize for the lack of posting. And the brevity that this one will be as well.

Mike and I are heading out of town this morning to go visit his parents. Should be interesting as we haven't seen them in about two years. Please keep me sane.

Our Christmas was small but good. I got some books I've been wanting and a lap desk. Very excited about that one. And my mom got me a whole bunch of maternity clothes! Awesome! So now I actually look pregnant and not just chubbier. And can I just try to explain how comfortable the secret fit belly pants are? Seriously, I could live in my jeans. Love, love, LOVE them. When we come back from the in-laws, I promise to post new pics.

Other things around are going pretty well. Not much new to report. I'm just patiently (well, kinda patiently) awaiting January 9th for our ultrasound. I want to see the little bug again. And hopefully this time, it won't just look like a blob. :)

I hope all's well with everyone out there. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that your 2009 is more fabulous than your 2008.

SNOW DAY?!?!?

Isn't my little welcome penguin cute? He stands guard in front of my house. :)

YEEEEEEEEEEES! I never thought I'd get one of these. Yes! I live in Vegas and there's snow all over the place. I took pictures and I'll update later with them. Just needed to let you all know that I'm at home nice and cozy. Listening to Christmas music, drinking hot cocoa with whipped cream, and cuddling with Chiisai. It's a good day. This is just what I needed to get into the holiday spirit. (well, that and Rach's lovely inspirational comment on the last blog. Thanks Rach :)


**Edit: pics are here. enjoy!

This is our house this morning. See the icicles forming? For some reason, I'm excited about those. Oh, and my poor tree doesn't even look like a tree anymore.

None of the poor trees know what to do.

This is just down the street. Palm trees with snow!

I did this on Monday the first day it showed. I didn't think we'd be getting more. Haha. That weird thing at the bottom of the heart is a "B" for baby. Mike didn't get it.

And for your pleasure...

My first belly shot! 16w3d.

And from the front. (please excuse the filthy mirror and horrible blurriness)

It's a fabulous post #101!

Or not. I can't believe I have posted on here over 100 times! Crazy.

Anyways, sorry for the absence. I am a sucky blogger. My laptop broke. :( I am going to have a hard time updating for awhile since Mike is a computer hog.

A few quick updates -

Pregnancy:
Going well. I think just about everyone knows now. I finally got in touch with my grandmother and let her know. (Very strange story. I'll have to fill you guys in on that one soon.) She's very excited for Great-Grandchild #11. Yes - 11!

Life:
It's going. Things just keep breaking down though. Mike and I are down to one car. His truck went kaput and we just don't have the money to take it in right now. Also, as previously stated, my laptop is being a pain as well. It won't load up. I'm in such a bah humbuggy mood that out house isn't even decorated for Christmas. And every day that it's not decorated makes me even less motivated to do it. Arg!
Mike and I went to The Magical Forest this week to try to get some spirit going. It was beautiful as always but neither one of us was really feeling it.

Work:
School winter break starts this weekend. Hooray! Conferences are this week. No kids on Wednesday and very few conferences scheduled. So, here's to getting things done for when we come back from break.
Mike finally had his annual review. They agreed to give him a raise (THANK GOD) and hopefully he'll be a little happier at work now. He was feeling really underappreciated and was able to get out a few of his issues at the meeting. He said last week was a much better feeling time to be there.

I hope all is well with all of you. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with blogs. ((hugs)) to all who need them and HOORAYS! to those who need those, too!

I'm out!

Of the pregnancy closet that is. My work holiday party was Friday night. At a wine bar. Yes, a wine bar. Perfect place for the pregnant lady. Most of the people that showed up are the people that show up for every get together so we're all pretty close. Some knew about our IF struggles. Most knew that I rarely drink. (an aside: In fact, I was getting teased at the beginning of the night being asked, "Where's your root beer?" It's a standing joke because I usually brought sodas of some sort to the happy hour gtg's (because most times I was in the dreaded 2ww).)
Anyways, I dodged around questions for most of the night. Finally during dinner, I broke down and asked for a glass of water. One of the teachers across from me said, "You're drinking water? Is that all you're going to have?" I answered back, "Probably." Her reply - "Why?" Here I paused mid sip of water and debated spilling the beans. My thoughts were flying. Should I or not? Well, I'm 15 weeks and things should hopefully be ok from this point on. I'm going to start showing soon and then they'll know anyways. I'd rather tell than have rumors flying. Then again, that's kinda rude to ask. Who cares why I'm drinking water?!
My answer came out mid thought. I didn't even look up from taking my sip of water through the straw. "Because I'm pregnant." Hoorays, congrats, and all that jazz followed. Questions about how far along I was and what my due date was. Lots of excitement over our "good timing" for the EDD. (I had to laugh at that one. We just got really lucky there.)
Then came something I wasn't expecting. From two different people on two separate occasions that night I heard, "I noticed you were getting kinda chubbier around the middle but it would have been really rude to ask anything." Apparently, I must have some sort of bump. I attribute it to the fact that I don't bother to "suck it in" anymore. But nonetheless, I will start taking belly shots this week to see if I can spot any differences.
All in all, I'm really relieved that people know and that word will spread on its own now. Yaay.
Now, off to write x-mas cards and then to the store. Then, I should probably write lesson plans for next week. Yes, I'm a fabulous teacher. Didn't you know? Haha.

One cranky cervix later

And the baby seems to be doing just fine! Strong heartbeat of 140 bpm. My blood pressure was high. I think that's just because I was freaking out though. Then they did a loverly pap exam. UGH! Not my favorite thing in the world anyways, but pregnant, it seemed to suck more than usual. And apparently I have a very sensitive cervix. It does not like being messed with. The doctor immediately said "Oh, you're going to have some spotting. I just barely swabbed and I can already see the bleeding." Wonderful. But everything's ok. And that's the best news I cold ever hope for.

The big ultrasound is scheduled for January 5th. I'm going to have to change it though because I realized on the way home that that is the first day back from Winter Break and I can't take it off. So hopefully I can get in just a few days later. We'll see.

So now you're as up to date as I am. Hooray!

Howie's been adopted!

Hooray! Another foster down. I think this one was the hardest for me. It wouldn't have been that bad except that I went with my friend to deliver him to his new family. They are VERY nice people with a beautiful home and just loved him right away. Especially their daughter (who was about 5 or 6). But Howie wanted to stay near me. He would wander around and them come jump back on me or sit right next to my feet. *heartbreak* I knew I had to leave him and that he would be very happy, but still, it just about killed me. I will definitely NOT be going on anymore adopt outs. It's much easier when I can just hand them off and know that they're going to a good place. But I don't have to feel like such an ass. And betrayer. :( Be happy Howie. We'll see you at a meetup soon I'm sure.

Wasn't I supposed to be past this?

Alright, I have to vent a bit.

I made it through pretty much the whole first tri with no sickness whatsoever (nausea-wise at least). Yaaay me! Then, THEN, I hit a bit past 12 weeks and the nausea and vomiting starts. WTH?! I suppose I shouldn't complain (and I'm not - much) but I thought that I'd be completely lucky in that department. Bah.

The stretch marks are appearing ALREADY and I haven't even "stretched." That's depressing. It's going to be horrid by the time I actually have a bump worth noting. (Mike swears he can tell when I'm lying down, on my side, in bed. Well, that's a great place to be able to notice my baby bump. In the one position I can't see it.) I was supposed to have those really good, non-strethc mark genes. My mom and my grandmother didn't get a single stretch mark. I was kinda counting on that. But oh no, that gene must skip a few generations at a time. Bah again.

On the brighter side of things, my face seems to be clearing up a bit. I found a toothpaste that doesn't make me hurl. And I have a doctors appointment on Thursday where I'll *hopefully* be able to hear the heartbeat. Seriously, I need some reassurances here. I'm still down in weight. A bit more than 10 lbs now. As long as everything in growing alright in there, I'm totally fine with that though. Especially since I think I'm only supposed to gain like 15 lbs throughout this whole pregnancy. We'll see what the dr says about it.

Anyways, vent over. I just had to get all of that out there.

Warning: Rambling ahead!

So, my friend Duck posted a blog today that got me thinking. This started out as a comment to her, but I thought is was worthy enough to share here and I had more thoughts to add.

This whole blogosphere thing is so strange when I really stop to think about it. I read so many blogs and I feel that I truly know and understand these women (I read mostly female blogs. Mostly dealing infertility). Some of them I wonder if I have ever even commented on. They don't even know I'm out there, living their story along with them. Sometimes I feel awkward. Should I let them know I'm here? A complete stranger. Laughing and crying, hoping and feeling bitter with them. Or would it be scary to think that some strange person knows their trials and tribulations?

When I first started blogging, and finding new blogs, I came across one that I followed for awhile. I commented now and then. One day, the girl commented back. She said, "Thanks, but how did you find my blog?" I was embarrased. I felt like maybe I'd been intruding. And I honestly couldn't remember how I'd found her blog. Probably through the random clicking on someone else's blog list. Either way, I never went back to that blog. I erased the link. Probably not what she meant at all, but I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Since then, I've been much more reserved in my commenting. I know that I LOVE comments, but maybe others really just want to use this space as a place to journal and maybe keep in touch with family and friends. And I try to respect that.

Not all are strangers though. Some I have established a relationship with. Whether through blogs or message boards, there are women I have never really met that I now think of as "friends." People that have shown so much support and joy and sorrow to a complete stranger. I don't even know if they realize how much it all has meant. I wonder if we will ever truly meet. Ever really "talk" to each other. Would we get along as well in reality as we do in the anonymity of the internet?

Do any of you have these thoughts? Do you comment away? Or do you do a lot of lurking like me? If you're a lurker here, please feel free to comment me. I promise I will try not to scare you off. :)

Blech!

Apparently, I need to find a new toothpaste. Crest Whitning with Scope and the baby apprently don't agree with each other. Like, I actually threw up this morning after brushing my teeth. (It was wonderful, let me tell you.) And I hate vomiting (then again, does anyone like it? I didn't think so.) It makes me cry and sniffle and cry some more. Luckily, I hadn't put on my makeup yet.

But then of course I'm faced with a dilemma: to brush again or no? I decided no, rinsed really well with water and used mouthwash. Sorry for the TMI, but I could just see a constant circle forming. Brush, vomit, repeat.

So, any new toothpaste suggestions?

Stupid, stupid neighbors!

I'll give more details on the crappy situation they've put us in later, but suffice it to say I can't stand my neighbors. Remember the ones whose dog jumped MY fence, came into MY yard, and attacked MY foster dog? Yeah those ones. They're now trying to say that they shouldn't have to pay for the vet bill because "We're getting rid of the dog."
So apparently, if I shot one of their kids and then got rid of the gun, I shouldn't have any consequences? I seriously can't stand people right now. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

Normal?

So, I hardly ever weigh myself. Comes from years of being overweight I suppose. But this morning I really wanted to know how much I've gained. My jeans are all pretty tight now even though I'm still not showing a damn thing. So anyways, I got on the scale. And I've LOST 10 pounds. Is that normal? Is it hurting the baby? I knew peoplw lost weight during pregnancy but I thought it was due to morning sickness and stuff. I'm able to keep all of my food down and have been throughout the pregnancy. Please just tell me I'm crazy. And then tell me that I'm not suddenly going to gain a bazillon pounds now that I've voiced concerns over this lost weight.

Howie's Home!

Well, back to us at least. He hasn't been adopted yet so no "home" for him yet. He was thin to begin with but now he's even thinner because he didn't eat at the vet for two days. He's gaggy and coughy because of the huge seroma (a fluid filled lump the doctor says will go away on its own) on his throat. But overall, he seem pretty happy to be back. He's curled up next to me under a blanket right now. He's such a sweetie. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Also, today I am going to see Twilight with my mom and little sister. Yes, we are all in love with a fictional story and fictional characters. I'm trying to keep an open mind about the movie. I know that there is no way that it's going to be anywhere close to as good as the book. And they're probably going to change things around and omit stuff that I think needs to be in there. But, I am hoping that I still enjoy the movie. It's been awhile since I read it so at least all of the details aren't completely fresh in my mind.

Have any of you seen the movie? Like, love it, hate it? Have you read the books? Are you as in love as I am? Haha! Have a great Sunday everyone!

A long overdue update.

First and foremost, I am officially in my second trimester. Hooray!!! Now I just have to hope that everything is progressing normally in there. My next doctor's appointment is on Dec 4th so I'll have to wait it out. ::sigh::

In other not so great news, our foster pug Howie was attacked last night. The people in the house behind us have two bigs dogs and one jumped over the fence and got Howie. Luckily, Mike ran outside as soon as he heard the disturbance and got the dogs inside (Chiisai didn't get touched). He called me, I called the pug rescue, and I got him to the vet ASAP. They kept him overnight and are still keeping him tonight. He's not eating, he's running a fever, and he has fluids filling up his neck where he got bit. The vet has him on IV antibiotics and won't let him come home until the fever breaks and he's eating (completely understandable).

I know there's nothing that we could have done to prevent it, but I still feel horrible. I'm really hoping that he pulls through this. I don't know how I could handle losing another pug after what happened with Yoda. Please keep little Howie in your thoughts.

Just so you know

Umm, and I don't really eat breakfast. But I guess if it's pancakes at 10:02, I'd be all over it! :)What time are you?

Guilty pleasures

Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee OMG this stuff is sooooooooo good!!! Usually I'm all about the Phish Food (is that band even still around?) but it was nowhere to be found at the store yesterday. So I sat(well stood) staring at the freezer full of pints of ice cream. So many choices. I decided to try the Creme Brulee. And I am soooooooooo happy that I did. It's only 2:00 and I want some. Now! But I will force myself to finish this post. (See, I have outstanding willpower. Bwahahahahaha!)

Worst Jobs in History is hilarious, entertaining, AND educational. SCORE! The History International Channel had a mini marathon of this show yesterday and I was hooked. As a pregnant woman with a questionable stomach, I probably shouldn't have watched though. Would you care for some worm soup? Oh yes, it was a remedy for sickness back in the day. Blech!!! Take a gander though some of those jobs. Makes me so grateful that I live in these times. With my luck I would be the one that had to walk around in stale urine. ::gag::

Ninja Warrior Probably my most geeky guilty pleasures. I mean come on, it's on G4TV (aka the geek channel). Seriously though, some of these people are amazing. Some are truly and utterly laughable. And that's what makes it fun to watch. Just watch the video of "American Ninja" Levi. He's a freerunner and he's frickin'awesome!



What is your guilty pleasure? Have I turned you on to any of mine?

Respect the TURKEY!

Christmas lights should be banned until at least the day after Thanksgiving.

Anyone with me? Anyone? ::crickets::

Now, I don't think of myself as a humbug or anything, but our neighbors down the street already have their lights up and turned ON. Come on people! I understand wanting to get them up early so that you can turn them on ASAP after the turkey has been eaten but geez! Fine. Put them up. You can't turn them on for another two weeks though. Ok?

Oh, and I'm 12 weeks today! Hooray second trimester!!!

Howie

We have a new foster. I know, it's been a long time right? I just picked him up from the vet. He's all caught up on shots and got neutered. Now he's wandering around my upstairs looking sad and forlorn. Seriously, one of the most pitiful pug faces I've ever seen. If I could find my camera I would so post a picture. But he's absolutely adorable.

I don't know what his story is. But, it looks like his previous owners didn't take very good care of him. He's soooooo thin. I can see all his ribs and his hip bones. It's very sad. I can see that with good nutrution and love though, he'll be an amazing looking pug. For now he's wandering with his tail down low and his back end tucked under as if he's afraid he's going to get hit. Sometimes people make me so mad. Why get a pet if you're not going to treat it as a family member?! Arg!

Anyways, that's it for now. I'll try to post pics ASAP.

And you learn something new every day

First, please notice the ticker. I am under 200 days!

Second, did you know that your body's chemistry changes during pregnancy? Yes you say? Did you know that I can affect how your hair accepts things like perms and hair color? Ah yes, apparently this baby does not want mommy to have blonde highlights. It would much rather have a mommy with half brassy, half platinum highlights. It's quite lovely, let me tell you. My poor stylist has been doing my hair for, well, about 17 years and she was at a loss. We have NEVER had any trouble with my hair lifting color. In fact, she has never had trouble with anyone's hair color ever being affected by pregnancy. She had heard it could happen, but never seen it. Hooray, I go down in history. She did all she could to help it, but it's still pretty bad. ::sigh::

So, warning to all....Beware the blonde during pregnancy!

I'm not at work!

Hahahahahaahah! I have a nice FOUR DAY weekend. Since Veteran's Day is Tuesday, the school district gave us Monday and Tuesday off. Such a huge relief. I had another yucky feeling weekend and so I was very glad that I didn't have to wake up and deal with my classroom today. :D

I'm back into another "I'm just not hungry" phase. I'm also having a really hard time drinking enough water. I know, I'm a bad pregnant lady. But I'm doing the best I can.

In other "bad" pregnant lady news, I'm getting my hair done today. (It's not really bad. I asked my doctor and he said it was fine as long as I was in a well ventilated place.) I'm so excited! My blonde highlights really need to be touched up and my hair has gotten so long. (well, longer than I would like it.) Those are some of the great side effects of prenatal vitamins. Your hair and nails grow like crazy! Even I, who has NEVER been able to grow my nails out, have much longer and stronger nails. I think I may keep taking the prenatals even when I don't need to. lol.

Mmmm...food....

Can you count an entire food group as a craving? All I want is vegetables. Specifically, salad and squash. Oh, and potatoes. Oooh, and yams. Grilled corn sounds good too (too bad I don't have a grill). Oh, just bring me over a farm and I'd be happy. Do any of you have any easy veggie recipes that the crazy pregnant lady can try?

Check me out!

I'm past 11 weeks! Officially the most pregnant I've ever been! WooHoo!

Still not looking pregnant. I can feel that I'm getting bigger. My underwear are tighter and by the end if the day, I definitely have to unbutton my pants. I plan on starting to take belly pics next week. If I'll share them on here, I don't know yet. Believe me people (although most of you know me IRL), I am not a tiny person. I'm not humongous but I am definitely heavy. I don't think I'll really be showing any time soon.

Speaking of, well, pregnancy I guess, a few people at work know. Literally, 3. One woman knew the day I found out. She was one person that I confided in about out IF and so she checked up on me periodically. She'd ask, "So, how are ... things?" with a lifted eyebrow. I'd answer back, "nothing special." Well, in our last 2ww, she happened to ask and I answered back, "we'll know in two weeks." She had a huge smile and said, "Well then, I'll ask again in two weeks." The day that I found out, we had a luncheon at work. She was standing next to me in line and looked at me questioningly. I smiled a huge smile and gave her two thumbs up. If she could have, I think she would have screamed and gone running around the building. But she didn't. She smiled and squeezed my hand. Then she said how happy she was and that I needed to bring a video to the ultrasound because they would tape it for you. :)

My VP knows because, strangely, I ran into her when I was leaving the doctor's office after my appointment Tuesday. She was leaving at the same time I was and we rode the elevator down together. Weird. Completely weird. I was holding a package of prenatal vitamins and a "Congratulations on your new pregnancy" booklet. I figured I should spill. She seemed happy enough and said congrats.

Then, somehow, my librarian found out. I really don't mind that she knows. I love her and she kinda knew about our IF. I think lady #1 tipped her off (they're really good friends). She grabbed me on the way to morning lineup and said, "So, you had a doctor's appointment yesterday....?" "Yes," I answered. "And....?" "It was with a doctor." "It was with a baby doctor though, right?" This caught me off guard. "Umm, yeah." "And......." "I'm definitely pregnant." She made a slight squealing noise and told me how excited she was for me. She said she kept looking around at all the pregnant women at school and thinking that it must be killing me. She was so glad that it was finally my turn. Me too!

Anyways, that's my update. I know it's long and rambly but I wanted to get it out there. I hope you're all doing well.

A day of interest :)

Lots of things today. Voting, doctor, and morning sickness.

Ah yes, I had my first bout of morning sickness. Luckily, just a few minutes of gagging and dry heaves with spit and it was over. Here's to hoping that's the extent of my experience with this lovely symptom. :) (although if it means delivering a healthy baby, I'll take it every day)

The doctor's appointment was not what I was expecting. I was prepared to have an exam or at least have him use the doppler to hear the heartbeat. Nope. Nothing. Told me the due date (note the ticker change) and set up another appointment. Asked if I had any questions. That was it. Luckily, he did answer all of my questions. Surprising news (that made my day): I can have sushi! Now mind you, the only "raw" sushi I eat is seared ahi, but I love it soooooo much. I think maybe I'll try to talk Mike into going this weekend. Yum! I can also have hot dogs and lunch meat. And I only need to keep taking the Metformin for 2 more weeks. Hooray again!

Then, they took my blood. Lots and lots of it. 7 vials of it. Well, 6 and then the tech looked at the order again and realized that he'd missed one. So he stuck me AGAIN! I hate needles and have mild panic attacks when they're needed. I wanted to throttle that tech. But it's over and no more for another 4 weeks as long as all stays good. :)

Me and "the blob" voted today. Yes, my voice was heard. I did everything in my power to make the nation the way I want it. I have a sticker to prove it! We'll see what happens. ::watches CNN:: How many of you are with me?

Vote, vote. Votey, vote vote!

Alright, so as I am hoping all of you know, tomorrow is election day. I am so fricking overwhelmed by this whole thing to tell you the truth. I know who I'm voting for, have my sample ballot all filled out and ready to go tomorrow, and am so anxious to watch the news tomorrow as the ballots come in. Traditionally, my state is red. Like, red, red, scarlet red. But all of the talk that I'm hearing is Obama, Obama, Obama. So it will be really interesting to see what happens.

In the interest of trying to get my students involved in politics early, we had a vote today. They have been talking on and off about the presidential candidates for weeks now. Did you know that the election is being discussed on channels such as Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon? Yeah. Craziness.

Anyways, we had a long discussion on what it means to be an "informed voter." That means not just voting for who your parents are saying you should or because you think the person is pretty or has the right color skin. We talked about what we know about the candidates (one of my girls knew a whole heck of a lot!) and what we wanted to know. Lots of the questions were things like "how old is he?", "is he married?", and "does he have kids?" These questions were answered my a wonderful Scholastic News article I had. Hooray!

After those all important questions were answered, we hopped over to the computer and checked out this site. We looked at each of the candidates bios and stats and then chose two issues that we wanted to know more about. The kids chose "war in Iraq" and "education." (I swear to you, I had absolutely NO say in what they picked.) We compared and contrasted where each candidate stood and talkde about what we thought about that. (Truly, I tried so hard not to be biased. There were a few things that I had to make into more kids friendly terms and it was really difficult for me to stick to what the words said. But I think I managed it pretty well.)

Then, we held our "election." I talked about how you're allowed to vote for whoever you want. It doesn't matter if everyone else around you is voting for someone else, you can vote what you believe is right. I also gave them the option of choosing "none of the above" because I want them to know that that's a valid option. End results ::drum roll please::..........................

Obama: 81% (13/16 votes)
McCain: 19% (3/16 votes)

Tada! And I think my kids are REALLY into seeing what happens tomorrow now. I guess we all just have to wait and see. ::shivers in antici........pation:: :)

It's November ALREADY!

I cannot believe how fast time is going. Anyone else?

I've had a very nice three day weekend. Ah yes, one of the perks of living in Nevada is getting "Nevada Day" off. Nevada became a state on October 31st and so we get a three day weekend toward the end of October. When I was a kid, we always got Halloween off and it was awesome! A few years ago, they changed the observed day to the last Friday of the month. Some years, like this year, everything works together and we get a three day Halloween weekend. Yaaay!

Our Halloween was very boring. We don't get trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood, so Mike and I went to a party. We didn't know many people and so we didn't stay too long. I was tired and feeling yucky. But I got to see some of the cutest costumes.

I've continues to feel yucky throughout the weekend. I spent the weekend laying around and sleeping. I've started and finished two books. Mike has been taking care of me. It's been nice (aside from the yuckiness).

This coming week should be nice as well. My first appt with the doctor is Tuesday. I don't know what to expect. I guess I'll find out then. I think I'll switch practices after this appointment though. I'm tired of the hugeness of this one. As well as the feeling that no one really cares and the waiting on hold FOREVER any time I call. We'll see what happens.

How was your Halloween? And do you get a day off in your state? I know some people get Columbus Day off. Are you one of them?

Ah, the nostalgia

Because I'm feeling like crap and need to waste some time, I'm doing this silly music thing. I promise that I'll give an actual blog later today or tomorrow.

So, this came from Katie's blog. Here are the Rules: A.) Go to Music Outfitters. B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year. C.) Italicise the songs you like(well, it said bold, but bold doesn't show up on my blog), strike through the ones you REALLY hate.

1999

1. Believe, Cher
2. No Scrubs, TLC
3. Angel Of Mine, Monica
4. Heartbreak Hotel, Whitney Houston
5. ...Baby One More Time, Britney Spears ::headdesk::
6. Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer
7. Genie In A Bottle, Christina Aguilera
8. Every Morning, Sugar Ray
9. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here, Deborah Cox
10. Livin' La Vida Loca, Ricky Martin
11. Where My Girls At?, 702
12. If You Had My Love, Jennifer Lopez
13. Slide, Goo Goo Dolls
14. Have You Ever?, Brandy
15. I Want It That Way, Backstreet Boys
16. I'm Your Angel, R. Kelly and Celine Dion
17. All Star, Smash Mouth
18. Angel, Sarah McLachlan
19. Smooth, Santana Featuring Rob Thomas This always reminds me of college dance class actually.
20. Unpretty, TLC
21. Bills, Bills, Bills, Destiny's Child
22. Save Tonight, Eagle-Eye Cherry
23. Last Kiss, Pearl Jam Love, LOVE! Duck and I used to sing this all the time. I even have the single. :)
24. Fortunate, Maxwell
25. All I Have To Give, Backstreet Boys
26. Bailamos, Enrique Iglesias
27. What's It Gonna Be?!, Busta Rhymes Featuring Janet
28. What It's Like, Everlast
29. Fly Away, Lenny Kravitz
30. Someday, Sugar Ray
31. Lately, Divine
32. That Don't Impress Me Much, Shania Twain
33. Wild Wild West, Will Smith Featuring Dru Hill and Kool Moe Dee
34. Scar Tissue, Red Hot Chili Peppers
35. Heartbreaker, Mariah Carey Featuring Jay-Z
36. I Still Believe, Mariah Carey
37. The Hardest Thing, 98 Degrees
38. Summer Girls, LFO
39. Can I Get A..., Jay-Z Featuring Amil (Of Major Coinz) and Ja
40. Jumper, Third Eye Blind
41. Doo Wop (That Thing), Lauryn Hill
42. Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of...), Lou Bega so..burned...out.
43. Sweet Lady, Tyrese
44. It's Not Right But It's Okay, Whitney Houston
45. (God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You, 'N Sync
46. Lullaby, Shawn Mullins
47. Anywhere, 112 Featuring Lil'Z
48. Tell Me It's Real, K-Ci and JoJo
49. Back 2 Good, Matchbox 20
50. 808, Blaque
51. She's So High, Tal Bachman
52. She's All I Ever Had, Ricky Martin
53. Miami, Will Smith
54. Hands, Jewel
55. Who Dat, JT Money Featuring Sole
56. Please Remember Me, Tim McGraw
57. From This Moment On, Shania Twain
58. Love Like This, Faith Evans
59. You, Jesse Powell
60. Trippin', Total Featuring Missy Elliott
61. If You (Lovin' Me), Silk
62. Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill
63. Give It To You, Jordan Knight
64. Black Balloon, Goo Goo Dolls
65. Spend My Life With You, Eric Benet Featuring Tamia
66. These Are The Times, Dru Hill
67. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing, Mark Chesnutt
68. I Do (Cherish You), 98 Degrees
69. Because Of You, 98 Degrees
70. I Will Remember You (Live), Sarah McLachlan This is the song I associate with my senior year. I wanted it to be our senior song but instead the picked some rap crap that I don't even know. it's probably on this list somewhere and if I knew what it was called, I would strikethrough it.
71. Chante's Got A Man, Chante Moore
72. Happily Ever After, Case
73. My Love Is Your Love, Whitney Houston
74. All Night Long, Faith Evans Featuring Puff Daddy
75. Back That Thang Up, Juvenile Featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil' Wayne
76. Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy
77. Man! I Feel Like A Woman!, Shania Twain
78. Steal My Sunshine, Len
79. I Need To Know, Marc Anthony
80. So Anxious, Ginuwine
81. Faded Pictures, Case and Joe
82. Back At One, Brian McKnight
83. When A Woman's Fed Up, R. Kelly
84. How Forever Feels, Kenny Chesney
85. Amazed, Lonestar
86. Sometimes, Britney Spears
87. Ghetto Cowboy, Mo Thugs Family Featuring Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
88. Out Of My Head, Fastball
89. Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem), Jay-Z90. Jamboree, Naughty By Nature Featuring Zhane UGH! They killed Annie!
91. Take Me There, BLACKstreet and Mya Featuring Mase and Blinky Blink
92. Stay The Same, Joey McIntyre
93. Lesson In Leavin', Jo Dee Messina
94. Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
95. Satisfy You, Puff Daddy Featuring R. Kelly
96. Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out), Citizen King
97. Music Of My Heart, 'N Sync and Gloria Estefan
98. Write This Down, George Strait
99. When You Believe, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
100. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You, Alabama Featuring 'N Sync

It's all good!

We have a "blob" as Mike is now referring to the baby. Heartbeat 170 bpm. It was just beating away. Measuring 9w1d. So we've got a quick little grower in there! Official edd is May 29, 2009. Yaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a much cuter note

This is my dog, the treat snob. He's so obnoxious but so dang cute!

Pug-O-Rama was this weekend. It's the big fundraiser for the Southern Nevada Pug Rescue where we got Chiisai and sweet angel Yoda. I've been pretty involved with them since we adopted the puggies. We foster pugs until they find forever home and go to meet ups and such. Anyways, my friends asked me to run the adoption booth for a few hours and of course I said yes. Such sweet babies were there.

On with the point though... at the gate they gave out doggie treat bags. Chiisai is a well known treat snob in our house. No one at the pug rescue believed me. If you know pugs at all, they are only one step removed from vacuum cleaners and garbage disposals. They will generally eat ANYTHING. Not Chiisai. He is VERY picky about the treats he'll eat and the few he does, he'll usually only eat if he gets them from Mike or me. (He's a smart one and doesn't take treats from strangers. Haha!) Late in the afternoon, Mike and I were eating our picnic lunch and I decided to give Chiisai one of the treats. He sniffed it and walked away. He wanted nothing to do with it. Then he saw another pug come nearby. He snatched up the treat and carried it around. Not biting it at all, just showing it off. He jumped up on me, then on to Mike, then back to me, then to the ground, etc... This went on for a good ten minutes. I called my friend Angie over and said, "Do you see my dog? He's being a treat snob!" That is when this picture was taken. He did eventually eat the treat but very grudgingly. He's such a pain but he makes me laugh every day!

What do your pets do to brighten your day?

Waiting, waiting

My first ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow at 2:00. I took the whole day off of work. I know that there is absolutely no way I could make it through the day with everything weighing on my mind. I don't even know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm scared as hell. I know rationally that there is absolutely nothing I can do, but I hate waiting. I'm so scared that we'll get in there and hear bad news. There's nothing to lead me to that but it's there nonetheless. So please think of us tomorrow. We could definitely use it.

In other pregnancy news, I am not hungry. Like, ever. I know I need to eat (especially to be able to take my medications), but I just can't even stand the thought of food. I don't have morning/all day sickness. I haven't thrown up or gagged so far (I know, I'm lucky. Believe me, I count my blessings every day!) I just have no desire to eat. Anyone else have this?

Wait? What?!

So, I generally like the administration at my school. Both the Principal and Vice Principal are very nice ladies. They are both also new to our school. We have had so many changes this year that I think many of our heads are about thisclose to exploding. New math program, about half of our staff is new, new reading ideology, etc, etc, etc... But we have all been dealing pretty well, I think.

Yesterday was a different story for me. I was walking out of the builing at a little after 4 (because really what teacher ever gets out on time?) My Principal was still in her office and had the door open. I waved bye and a "have a good night" and kept walking. Then I hear, "Katie, can you come in here for a minute?" Umm, ok. I know I haven't done anything wrong so I wasn't worried, but our principal has a way of grabbng people and roping them into teaching staff development activities or going to classes and such. No. It wasn't any of those types of things. It was her telling me thatI can't bring my kids out for the FIVE MINUTE break that I give them to use the restroom and run off a bit of energy. Seriously people, five minutes. I bring a timer. After they've been in school for 2 hours and are getting antsy.

I used to troop all my kids down and stand in line while they all used the restroom, but that seemed like a waste of time to me. Some kids never needed to go but they had to stand there quietly anyways while we waited for EVERYONE to finish and line up again. Ugh! Talk about a waste of academic time.

This year, I started bringing them outside for five minutes and allowing them to run on the field for five minutes. Anyone that needed to use the restroom or get a drink - this was their time to do it. And it's been amazing how many fewkids I've had leaving my classroom during work times. I just ask, "Can you wait until our break time?" and usually they have no problem with that. They really just need a break for a minute or two.

(A little background here. My kids don't get a "recess." They have whatever time they get before the bell rings in the morning and ten minutes before lunch. And that's IF we get out perfectly on time. Which is rare.)

So, my principal has decided that my break time is a waste of my precious academic time and I need to do the line up and wait thing again. Yes, you're right. Much better use of my time. Oh, but to make it "academic" I should bring Brainquest or "sponge" activities, or just ask questions like "who can give me three combinations of 10?" Yes, what a blast. Now, mind you my kids LOVE Brainquest. We do a few questions every day at the end of school. But they need a break! I don't think five minutes is hurting anything. Infact, I really think it helps because they can get out and clear their heads. Heck, it gives ME five minutes to clear my head.

So, now that I have written a small novel and completely rambled, what do you think? Should kids have the chance to have a short break from classroom routine or is it too much of a loss to the time they're in school? What was recess like when you were in school? If you're a teacher, what is recess like at your school? How long do your kids get outside?

Bananas. The miracle fruit?

So, for the past month I have had zero energy or motivation. Zip. Ziltch. Nada. My house has been the most complete wreck of a house I have ever seen. It's been horrible. I have slowly been going crazy. I have tried to get Mike to help but he has, well, not helped.

I tell you all of this to share this lovely piece of information: I think bananas are a miracle fruit. I have had bananas for breakfast the past two days and the past two days I have had energy. My house is clean(er). My dishes are done. My loft is picked up and dusted. A load of laundry got done. It's amazing! Now, my miracle will probably stop working now that I've shared. But I will continue to eat bananas until they do stop working. :)

So scared

So, Saturday night I couldn't sleep due to major stomach pain. It felt almost like food poisoning. I wasn't worried that it was the pregnancy because it wasn't in the right area. Much higher than where the baby is growing. Anyway, I ended up tossing and turning in bed until 3:00 in the morning and then got up to find something to do. I wound up in front of the computer doing random surfing. Looked up stomach pain in pregnancy and couldn't find anything that really fit my symptoms. At about 5:30, I fell asleep on the couch and slept fitfully until about 7:30. I was feeling better. ::sigh of relief:: I went about my day trying to tak it as lightly as possible. I had promised to help the pug rescue get raffle baskets together, so I went over there for a few hours and we got it done. Hooray for accomplishments.

Sunday night, I went to the bathroom and saw some pink on the TP. It was a bit brighter than anything I've had before but I wasn't too worried. I told Mike just so he would be informed. Any other time I've had this, it's been gone again the next time I go to the bathroom. It wasn't this time. The next time I went to the bathroom, there was still pink and a very small clot was in the toilet. My heart sank. Clots are not good. I tried to stay calm but it was useless.

I came out to Mike and told him I might be losing the baby. I explained what was going on and started crying. I can't help it. The huge fear of another miscarriage is taking over my brain.

I had another fitful night of sleep and my stomach is in nervous knots. I'm trying to breathe and calm myself down. I know my blood pressure is off the charts. ::breathes deeply::

There has been no more spotting or clots so far this morning. Unfortunately, I have to go to work today. I wish I could stay home and put myself on bedrest for the day. I'll just feel much better if I can get through the day without anything else happening.

Please say a little prayer or send a thought our way. Please stick little one.

***update*** I called the doctor's office this afternoon. After dealing with their normal phone rediculousness, the nurse basically told be everything is normal. Since the spotting has stopped and the cramping wasn't doubling me over, she said I'm fine. I'm still worried. Last time I had no cramping at all and the spotting was never a "period like flow." It does make me fell better though that there hasn't been any further spotting or cramping. Now I'm just hoping I can live through the next week until the u/s. ::breathe::

Oops

I'm a bad blogger. I have no excuse. I just haven't felt like blogging. ::hangs head in shame::

I really don't think I have much to talk about though still. Let's see...

The pregnancy is going along well (as far as I know). My only symptomsare still just extreme tiredness and a pretty consistant uncomfortableness in my stomach. It's not cramping per se. It's more like a cross between gas pain, nausea (without the actual feeling of needing to throw up), and hunger (without being hungry). It's uncomfortable. But I'm definitely happy that's all I have. ::knocks wood::

I'm looking for a new doctor. The doctor I'm with is very good and very nice, but the practice he's with is just too large for me. I need a smaller, more intimate environment where I feel that the entire staff is knowledgeable and that I'm not just a number. Plus, Dr. Nice doesn't deliver at the hospital close to my house. So, Mike and I went to a health fair at the hospital close to our house. It's a new hospital and not very busy at this point. Tons of practices had booths set up and doctors available to talk with. We found three ob/gyn practices that I'm going to look into next week. They are all 3-4 doctors and looked like much more of what I want. One doctor I talked to is actually leaving the practice he's been with because his other partners are joining the ginormous practice I'm currently with. He doesn't like the hugeness either. (Mind you, he did not come out and say that, but it was implied. When I said, "I am looking for a smaller practice. The one I'm with now is just too big." He replied, "You must be with "insert name of largest practice ever"." "Yeah," I answered. He nodded knowingly.) Good to know that even doctors think that the practice is ridiclously large.

Mike has decided he wants to be an air traffic controller. He's been looking into it for a good month now and has found a school in Washington state he wants to go to. It works out really well because the school I want to get my Master's in is in WA as well. The scary thing is that according to some research he's done, he must be done with school and hired by the time he's 31. That's only 4 years away. The program is 2 years long. So, we're going to have to move sometime in the next two years. This scares me because I don't know what the housing market will be at the time. I'm hoping that we will at least be able to get what we paid for the house. As it is, we're very upside down on it. ::sigh:: C'est la vie.

Alright, I'll stop now. I say I have nothing to write about and here ends one of my longest, most rambling posts.

Do you guys have any exciting life changing plans happening soon? How do you deal with the anxiety it causes?

I'm a great wife.

Really. I am. Mike agrees. But to look at me the past few weeks, one would think I was the laziest person on the planet. My house is a complete wreck. Dishes have been piling up everywhere in the house. Laundry is overflowing from the hamper. It's horrible. And it's been driving me CRAZY! But I've just been so dang tired that sleep has overtaken all other impulses. I hear it's one of those dang pregnancy symptoms. Thank all in the heavens that that is really my only symptom. Occasional heartburn and some cramping, but mostly just plain-old, flat-out, tired!

So, yesterday I tried to work past the tiredness. Not that I really had a choice. It was my school annual Harvest Hoedown. Basically, a little fall fun and games thing we've done every year for, well, ever. I was in charge of the Floating Cups game. THANK GOD Mike was there with me! Do you realize that every time a kid misses the stupid cups, the ping pong balls go bouncing all over hell and creation?! Mike was a trooper and chased down most of those balls. We cheered on the kids and I passed out prizes. Yaay me! But the few balls that I did chase down, as well as the setting up and taking down of the booths took it's toll. I was completely useless for the rest of the afternoon. I layed on the couch, sleeping, reading, and feeling ill. It was awful. And I learned my lesson. I cannot run non stop anymore. I HAVE to rest.

Today, I was feeling much better and I decided I had to get some things done. I sat down and planned out my day.

First, plan dinners. We have got to start saving money and with my being tired so much recently, we have been eating out most nights. (score another one for my great wifeness). This is not good for my body or our budget. So, I searched though my online sites and chose meals that sounded appetizing and at least somewhat healthy. My menu for the week is:

• pork chops and rice casserole
• kung pao chicken with stir fry veggies and jasmine rice
• tortellinis in olive oil and garlic w/ asparagus
• turkey, bean and rice burritos
• caramel apple pork chops w/ mashed potatos and green beans
• buffalo chicken burgers w/ pickles and baked fries
• garlic and parmesan checken w/pasta and cauliflower
• Chili garlic pork chops w/rice and green beans

Then, I made a list (yes, I live for lists) and set out. I went to the library and looked for some pregnancy books. I found this one that looked promising, so I picked it up. I also picked up this book for Mike. Don't think he'll read it but flipping through it, I was cracking up.

Then, we went to the store and bough all the stuff for all of our meals for the week. Plus a few extras like breakfast bars and the like. So yaay. Now we're set.

I came home, rested for awhile, and then set out cleaning up around here a bit. Dishes are all done (thanks to my bribing Mike with cookies) and most of the laundry is finished. The sheets on the bed have been changed and dinner is cooking in the oven. Oh, and I prepared Snickerdoodle dough to attempt to make those cookies I promised Mike. We'll have to see how they turn out. I have never made Snickerdoodles before.

So hooray! My title of great wife is slowly coming back. If those cookies turn out, maybe I'll be SuperWife for awhile. Haha.

How have you all been doing? Have you ever made Snickerdoodles before? I much prefer Chocolate Chip, but oh well. What's your favorite cookie?

What's your comfort level?

See that new ticker up there ^? It freaks Mike out. Does it freak you out? Please tell me because I don't want to freak you guys out. I think it's pretty dang nifty, but I'll move it to the bottom of the page if it'll make you more comfortable. :) And BTW, have any of you wondered how they get those detailed pictures of the babies at each stage? I have. But I'm afraid to look it up because I have a feeling I don't really want to know.

School cuts again?!

Alright, so I don't know if I mentioned this before, but my school's budget (well, ALL schools in Clark Counties budgets) were cut by 70% at the beginng of this year. That means that our previous budget of $100,000 we ran on last year is only $30,000 this year. This includes all of our paper supplies, copier maintentence, toner for printers and copiers, pencils, erasers, etc... Understandably, we have been freaking out over how we're going to make it through the year. Well, it was annouced today that they are cutting the budget by an additional 12%. WHAT!? How the heck do they expect us to run a school of almost 700 on $26,400. That equals out to about $37/kid for an entire year. I truly do not understand how they expect a school to run on this. And I don't know where we can make more cuts from out budget. We're already down to brass tacks. I guess my kids will be writing with pencil stubs, broken crayons, and worn out markers by the end of the year. Heck, at this rate, I'll be lucky if they aren't using them by the middle of the year. ::sigh::

Grant

I heard back from the grant people today. I was not one of the recipients this year :( Oh well, I knew it was a long shot. I'm glad that I tried though. They hope to have money to award next year, so I'll just apply again. We'll see what happens.

Ah, a sigh of relief

Ok, the nurse ACTUALLY called back today and didn't keep me waiting! Thank you very much! :)

My numbers are looking really good. HCG is up to 1560 and progesterone is staying about the same place at 16.7. It made me feel sooo much better today and I was able to stay calm and collected today even though I was falling over from the feeling that I haven't slept in days. Nevermind the fact that I have been falling asleep between eight and nine every night. HA.

So, I have an ultrasound set up for October 28th (I'll be 8w4d) and my first appointment with the doctor on November 4th (I'll be 9w4d). So yaaay, things to look forward to!

Now that everything's been someone settled at least for a few weeks, the pregnancy talk should slow down some. I'll start posting my random junk again soon. :)

Choices

I feel that I am making a choice every day to allow myself to embrace or keep my distance (figuratively of course) from this pregnancy. Some days are better than others. Last time it took about 9 weeks to really wrap my head around the whole thing. We lost the baby at 10 weeks. So my brain says that as soon as I really start accepting that I *should* have a baby next summer, the dream will be shattered soon after.

In an attempt to stop this vicious cycle, I am going to try to live by these affirmation statements. I pulled them from one of my boards a long time ago and have had them saved on my computer since then.

1. "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby."

2. "I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."

3. "My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage."

4. "There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a miscarriage. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive."

That last one is the hardest. It really easy to say that worrying doesn't help anything, but I'm a natural worrier, and it's really hard to try to be calm during all of this.

But, I did get my second set of beta results yesterday. HCG went from 81 to 400. Progesterone went from 16.4 to 16.2. That HCG number makes me happy. That progesterone number is kinda scary. The doctor isn't concerned about it though so I guess I'll try not to be worried either. I went in for yet another blood draw yesterday. The nurse said she would keep an eye out for my results and get back to me on Monday. I'm not holding my breath. I'll be lucky to hear from them by Tuesday. Either way, let's hope those numbers continue to climb.

So, in an attempt to follow the second mantra up there, I went searching for a pregnancy ticker. There are some really cute ones out there! So, now I need help choosing one. Here are the top four contenders:

Choice #1.


Choice #2.


Choice #3.


Choice #4.


Which is your favorite?

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Sing along now everyone. :)

My day started out with this:


It came up really quick, too. So that made me feel better.


The drive to work produced this BEAUTIFUL sunrise. (Don't worry, I wasn't driving)

At school my kids were great. We even got to start our Air and Weather science unit. Here's a pic I took of the kids experimenting.

Notice the blue circled feather. The kids were having a blast trying to keep them up in the air. Also, I have highlighted the kid in the corner. He was AMAZED that he could blow a cotton ball across his desk with a straw. :D

The sun was setting as we drove home. Again, it was beautiful. I took this one out the car window.

And I made Mike pull the car over so we could get this one at the end of our street.

Aaaaaand, I heard back from the nurse. On Friday (3w6d pg), my HCG was 81 and my progesterone was 16.4. I *think* those are decent numbers for early pregnancy. She had me come in for another blood test today to check that the numbers are doubling correctly. (Yes, I know it's supposed t be a 48 hour test, but again, my office is stupid.) I can just tell you that I will be happy if the numbers are around 300 from this one. And I hope my progesterone goes up.

So, all in all, it was a very good day. And now I'm off to have sweet potato fries and a BLT with avocado. Yuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm!

Oh the things I do to stay amused

Is it wrong that I have spent the last few hours watching Tony Award videos on YouTube? Well, even if it is, I don't wanna know. Because I have a great time and get very distracted while I'm in Broadwayland. :) And since I don't know how many of you are into Broadway, I will share a few of my other amusing finds.

I enjoy this one as I LOVE the song (it was at my wedding) and this guy is just entertaining. (Oh yeah, don't forget to pause the music player on the blog.)



And who doesn't love The Muppets? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I officially hate my doctor's office

They did not call me with results today. Don't they know that I'm a nervous wreck? And being a nervous wreck is not good. It gives me an upset stomach and heartburn. Not to mention horrible sleeping patterns. And I'm tired enough as it is people! I called all through my prep today (50 minutes) and sat on hold the whole time! There is just no way that your office is so busy that you don't have someone that can answer a damn phone within an hour.

I so want to switch offices but I'm scared that the new place will be just as bad. Technically I could go back to my old place but I truly hated how they treated me when I had the miscarriage. Basically it was a big f*k off. Good luck and call us when you're pregnant again. Gee thanks. Plus, I really don't want to be that patient who hops doctors until she gets the answer or treatment she wants. But I guess I just require better service. And I expect the staff to be knowledgable. I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you? Some days I feel like I know more than half of the people that work in that office.

So, the point is, I don't really have any solid updates. FRER was still very light pink today. But at least I'm still testing positive (yaay). aAd there's been no more spotting (yaaay again). When I know anything more, I'll let you guys know.

I think I'm losing it

Help. I can't stop screaming inside. I was feeling so positive the first few days.
I've been taking a test every morning just to make sure they're still showing up positive. I have had cramping non-stop but was dismissing it because it's really not that bad. Just constant.
The test I took yesterday showed a positive line. I watched the pee go across the stick and set off the line. I thought, "Yaaay! It's strong enough that I don't even need to wait for the 3 minutes." When I went back to look at the test later in the day, the line as gone. WTF?! Gone. Nada. White as snow.
So I, of course, jump online to find out if this is normal. No. No it's not. And according to some places, a disappearing positive should be considered a negative. Negative? But I have two postives from previous days? How can I have a disappearing positive/negative result now?
Of course, now I'm starting to lose it mentally. I'm rationalizing all sorts of things. Every feeling under the sun is running through me. Then I realize that I'm out of tests. I can't test in the morning. I need to get more tests.
Mike and I run to the store and I grab some FRER's and some digitals. They are the two most reliable tests I know. Mike asks why I'm getting both. I answer that I need them for peace of mind. He rolls his eyes, starts to say something, then stops. He mutters something which I choose to ignore and we pay and check out. Now for the waiting. I have to wait until tomorrow morning to pee on these stupid things.
It is now morning. I peed on a FRER. Had to wait the full 3 minutes and got a VERY faint positive. My period is officially 1 day late and I feel that the line should be much darker as there should be plenty of that stupid hormone in my body if all is going well. So far, the progression of tests has been:
Thursday: faint but definitely visible positive.
Friday: Definite positive. Stronger and darker than Thursday.
Saturday: Disappearing positive.
Sunday: Test on FRER VERY faint positive.
I have a sinking feeling that AF (I think I like Duck's term "absurd f*er") will show later today or tomorrow during school. If tomorrow's test is negative, I don't know what I'll do. Seriously, I'm losing it now. I'm trying to maintain hope, but it's really hard when all signs are pointing to a chemical pregnancy.
And Mike has pretty much written this off. He saying things like, "well, we know it can happen" and "we'll get it next month", or "at least it happened early." WTF?! I know that guys don't get attached like women, but still. I am pregnant today and I might not be tomorrow. That hurts. And I'm scared that this was yet another fluke. Is it going to take us another 15 months to get pregnant again? I don't know that I can handle that. And will they now start the clock all over again for treatment? They want a year between pregancies. Will they count this? I have so many questions and no one to turn to to ask.
Does anyone have any advice other than, "try not to worry" or "it's not over til af shows?" I'm so, so scared you guys and I don't know what to do. Help.

(btw, I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. I'm not reading back over this before I post)

Do you see what I see?

So, I tested this morning. Lookie what I got.....


Yes internet, that IS a plus in the first window. And a plus means PREGNANT!!! Isn't that a beautiful sight? After 18 months of trying and one miscarrige, I'm finally pregnant again. I am scared, and excited, and scared, and nervous, and hopeful, and oh, did I mention scared? Terrified even? But soooooo happy. Ecstatic. Joyful.

I haven't technically missed my period yet though. I think at least one of those scared feelings will go away if I make it through the weekend with no AF showing up. I have the feeling of cramps that I get before AF shows. But absolutely no spotting which is a very good thing.

I went and got blood work done today. I should have beta and progesterone results on Monday. ::fingers crossed:: that everything is normal and that we have our baby in our arms at this time next year.

So internet, sorry to keep you waiting (as if you're all just so interested in my fertility status). You now know as much as me. :)

Now Katie needs to get her BFP. The CBEFM train needs to complete it's rounds. :D

Sorry

No dorky pictures to be seen yet. And it's not Sunday. I fail in many ways. :(

Mike and I went up to the mountains and camped Friday night. Yes, in a tent and everything. (aaaaand the crosses off #19 on the list.) My friend Juliet is going to a journalism/film school she needed hours. Being Juliet (believe me, if you know her it makes sense) she decided to make a movie. I was cast in a main role. Mike got to be a zombie. Hahaha! The movie will be totally cheesy and belong in utter geekdom, but we had fun. I *might* post the youtube video if it ever gets uploaded. In related news, I completely forgot to put on sunscreen and the top of my chest is burned sooooo badly.

I'm still holding hope for this being our month. I'm not really having any symptoms but I didn't have any the first time either. So, it's just waiting and seeing. I think I'm going to test Friday. That will be 12dpo (days past ovulation) and I just am so impatient I can't wait until Sunday. (yes, slap me for being an early tester). The FRER (First Response pregnancy test) is supposed to be 93% accurate at 12dpo and that's good enough for me. ;)

Wish me luck! Tell me people, are you early testers or do you have willpower? Seriously, this 2ww (2 week wait) is killing me.

Off camping

Be back Sunday with dorky pictures! :D

Ok, I'll admit it

I am actually feeling hope for this cycle. I haven't felt this way in, oh, I really don't know how long. Our timing was perfect according to the CBEFM. I've been on meds that are supposed to help avoid early miscarriage. And I have been taking my prenatals every day. (not even skipping a few days here and there like I had been doing when I wasn't ovulating.)

I really hope this is our month. It's been "in the water" as everyone around me is getting pregnant. Hello FIVE women at school.

So please keep us in your thoughts and send any pregnancy vibes you can spare over here. Thanks.

The Hopeful Infertile

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Look what I got this morning.

*dances around the house* Yaaaay! Welcome back little eggy!!

Just call me Piggy McPiggerston

Apparently, I'm a big fat pig. And I don't understand the point of appetizers.

How do I come to this conclusion you might ask. Well, let me help.

We (the teachers at school) got coupons today for a restaurant. The coupon was for a free appetizer with the purchase of two entrees. As I'm reading the coupon and thinking "well, I'll just hang on to this," one of the office staff and another teacher walk by and throw their coupons out. I didn't think much of it as some people may not eat there or don't use coupons. Whatever. But then their conversation starts. The main point being - This coupon is useless. Who eats an appetizer AND entrees? If I get an appetizer, it's my meal.

What?! Isn't the point of appetizers to eat before a meal. At least that's the impression I had. Heck, often when Mike and I go out to eat we get an appetizer, entrees, AND dessert. GASP!!! How could we? Now mind you, there are places where appetizers are absolutely meals on their own. Claim Jumper comes to mind. Also, at places where meals are family style (like most Chinese places), we order two appetizers and only one entree. But these are exceptions. I rarely go into a place thinking I'm only going to eat an appetizer. Maybe I'm crazy. Or just a big fat cow.

So tell me- Are appetizers meant to be your meal or are my school people nuts?

Yum!

Alright, so the past few entries have been short and a bit angry. It's time for something a bit more upbeat. Well, at least it's upbeat for me. Food!

I love food. I love cooking. I would love to be a chef. The best job ever. You get to do all the fun cooking stuff but have other people to do all the prep work and cleaning. Heaven. :)

Anyways, I made dinner a few nights ago. Chicken in a balsamic-caper pan sauce, whole wheat thin spaghetti, and mixed veggies (corn, baby carrots, and asparagus. best.mix.ever.)

Of course, I had to add cheese to my pasta. Who can eat pasta without cheese? I had cooked an extra chicken breast and we had leftover pasta at the end of the night as well and I was so excited that I could have it for lunch the next day. Then Mike headed down to go eat it! What? Wait! That's mine! I ended up needing to bribe him with ice cream before he would leave me the leftovers. (bribery is an often used tactic in out house. second only to bargaining.)

This has become one of our go to meals. It's pretty easy and the sauce is really easy to change up. And it's soooo tasty.

What is your go to meal? Or your favorite meal? Or do you absolutely hate to cook? Share people. Share.

Edited to add: Here's the link to the recipe. Who knew that you could get the entire BHG cookbook online? http://tinyurl.com/6d25mh Enjoy!

woohoo!

cd18=high! come on peak!

cd17

still nothing but "low." damn infertility. stupid cbefm for making sure it's fresh in my head every day.

Let's get going here

Seriously, my cycle needs a swift kick in the rear. Or maybe the CBEFM is finally working right. It's cd14 and I'm still low. Usually I've been peeing on sticks for days at this point and have had highs since about cd11. Now, nothing. Peeing on the stciks with no results. Maybe this month it will really pick up the complete lack of ovulation. I think the past few months it just couldn't believe that I didn't ovulate and was giving me pity highs. I can almost hear it saying, "Well sweetie, you *should* be getting highs, so we'll show you what they look like. Unfortunately, we can't fake a peak for you."

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. Maybe talking about it will get my body to realize, "Oh yeah! That dang ovulation thing. We should get on that."

TaaDaaah!!!

I have officially sent in my grant application! Hooray and wahoo!!! I'm very happy with myself. Now for the waiting game. I don't know when they'll be choosing who will get the grant. I also do not know if more than one grant will be awarded. Guess I'll just be obsessively checking my e-mail.

Thank you so much to all of you that offered help and suggestions of so many games. Thank you to Duck who proofread (should that be two words? oh well, it's staying that way for now) my essay last night on the spur of the moment at 10:00p.m. (yes, I am a complete and utter procratinator.) I think it was pretty good. In case you're wondering (which I'm sure you aren't but I want a place to refer to to it), here's the essay. (most of the games that you've never heard of came from my friend Zap who has the most extensive knowledge of really great board games of anyone I've ever met)

Walt Disney once said, “I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.” This quote should be taken, printed, and placed in every classroom. With the amount of time students are stuck in the classroom today, it’s a wonder they haven’t completely lost all sense of imagination and wonder. Every moment is scheduled. Tests must be passed, scores must be raised, and recess is a thing of the past. Playing a simple board game could be the one time in a student’s day that allows him or her to unwind and use a part of his or her brain that is collecting dust from disuse.
With the benefit of the grant, six-hundred students would have the opportunity to engage their brain. In an after school club, students in first through fifth grade would learn to use cooperation, flexibility, dexterity, spatial reasoning as well as a multitude of other abilities. These skills, which are so difficult to teach through standard educational practices, come easily in the form of games. Students would be exposed to the familiar as well as the unknown. All types of games are available that are educational as well as entertaining.
Even the youngest school age children can learn good sportsmanship and friendly competition with games such as Memory, Chutes and Ladders, and Candy Land. Older children can learn these basics in games such as Sorry, Life, and Trouble. Students can learn to work together in groups to achieve a common goal in games like Terra. Guess Who and Cartegena will teach them to think ahead and use strategy. Games like Blokus and That’s My Fish entertain while children learn spatial reasoning. Fine motor skills and dexterity come into play in Dicecapades, Don’t Break the Ice, Pitchcar, and Jenga. Cranium Jr, Apples to Apples Jr, and Pictionary all help students to use critical thinking and problem solving skills.
In the end, an educator can’t go wrong if they follow Mr. Disney’s advice. By starting a game club at the elementary level, you set a child up for a lifetime of learning as entertainment as opposed to hoping to be entertained while learning.

I'll be sure to keep you all updated if I find out anything. ::fingers crossed::

Because I'm neurotic

I peed on a frickin stick today. Before anyone goes and gets excited, it was completely and totally white in that all important test section. Just one lonely little control line. And I knew it would be. Hello, it's cd11. "Then Kate," you might be saying, "why in the world did you pee on a stick? Don't you know those things aren't cheap?" And even if you're not saying those things, I am.

Here's the thing. For the first time in, well, ever, I didn't really have a period. It was more 2 days of medium to light spotting and it was gone. No cramps (which if you know me is extremely rare). So my brain has just been on high alert, waiting for FP (frickin period) to ACTUALLY come and it hasn't. Therefore, being the complete and utter whacko infertile that I am, I thought, "Well, maybe, just MAYBE, that was implantation spotting."

Nevermind the fact that according to the CBEFM I haven't ovulated in two months. Nevermind the fact that sex has been the absolute last thing on my mind lately, and so has been pretty much non-existant. "Yes," I say to myself, "but what if the CBEFM is wrong? And what if that one time was just right?" And that is why that stupid, niggling, "Could I be pregnant?" thought has been in the back of my mind for over a week now. That is why I HAD to test to make sure. I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was a true NEED people. I was slowly going insane (well, more insane I guess. Because, obviously, I was already there). And now I know. B.F.N.

I have survived

The first few days back at school after three months off. My class seems like a pretty good group this year. *sigh of relief* I was having anxiety attacks for about a week leading up to the first day. Glad those are over (for the most part).

I know certain people *cough Duck* like to see my classroom, and I like to oblige, so here are some pictures. They are posted in sequence around the room in a clockwise fashion. So, if I could string them all together, you could have a 360 view of my room. But alas, I am not talented like that so you'll have to use your imagination.

View from the entry. My room is outside the actual building this year so I get natural light in there. Yaaay.

Looking right from the entrance. My small group table and the front of the room. The arrow and writing says, "Please note the obnoxious pink wall." Lovely, isn't it?

Continuing to look right, this time from the library corner. Isn't that pink wall just the best? *gag* And my TV that is stuck looking at the wall. Perfect.

Closeup of a new management technique I'm trying this year. Class/self check. So far, these first few days at least, it has worked pretty well.

Looking around some more. Look at my windows!! Yaaay for light!!!! Our ECS hasn't bothered installing the three other computers he said I was getting yet. That's what will go in that big empty space on the tables. And that teacher desk there under the backpack rack - it's gone now.

There's the door and the front view of the cabinets you see from the entrance.

And there's the library from another angle. Plus my crooked maps and birthday cakes. Also, "Please note the two different colored walls. Nice, eh?" The other message is pointing to where the pink wall is. You would think that in a room this small, they could at least get the color the same. But alas, no.

So, there's an update for you curious people out there. After about a week or so of at least 8 hour days working to set it up (it was an absolute wreck prior to this), my room is finished and is working on a whole new group of kids. :)

(BTW, please excuse any typos. It's late and getting these pictures posted has taken me forever for some reason.)

Please help me internetland!

So, I have been trying to work on my 101 in 1001 list. #63 is "Apply for a grant." And, I have succeeded in finding a grant to apply for. Go me! It's a small one but one that I really would like. I could get $500 to start a game club at my school. This seems like so much fun. But I need help. I need to get a list together of games that I would buy with the money.

Can you please help me out? I would like to expose the kids to games they may have never seen. Remember, these games are for elementary school kids between the ages of 6-10. So, no need for Hi-Ho Cherry-O. Likewise, intense and time consuming games would be out as well. This will most likely be an after school club that would meet for an hour once a week.

So, do you play games? What are your favorite games? Anything great that no one has ever heard of? Come on people, I need suggestions! I'll be grateful for anything you decide to share.

FIVE!?

FIVE women are pregnant at my school. Is that really neccessary? All have little baby bellies. One introduced herself today as "Mrs. So-and-so and Angelina. *high pitched squeak while rubbing her belly* We just found out it's a girl!" Yip de dah and hooray for you. It's only a matter of weeks until the other ones start announcing what they're having. And then it will be all the baby showers. Someone just shoot me now.

Waaaah!!!!!!!

Topic one: Summer is officially over for me. Meetings at school start today. Open house is 4:00 on Friday. (That means my classroom has to be set up by then. *gasp* I'll have to take pictures and post where it's starting today. Believe me, I have a long way to go.) Then the kiddos come back on Monday. I'm having mild panic and anxiety attacks. I know they're gonna get so much worse throughout the next few days. *deep breaths* I'll be ok.

Topic two: I didn't need to worry about going on the trip. I didn't ovulate. That's 3 months of no ovulation according to the CBEFM. I must say, I'm worried. I want to call the doctor and see if the provera could be causing it. I doubt he would have me on anything that would prevent ovulation, but maybe it's forcing me to have a period before my hormones can get themselves back in check? I truly have no idea and am pulling things out of my head that probably have no basis whatsoever in medical science, but these are my worries. I'm thinking about not taking the provera next month and seeing what happens.
Oh, and I still need to schedule the HSG. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. It's going to have to wait until October anyways because this coming cycle is going to be way to close to the beginning of school for me to take time off. We'll see what happens.

Topic three: Much more positively, I have completed 3 and a half of the things on my 101 list.
#48. Change my name with the school district. A huge ordeal that took 3 days. Still, it's done!
#49. Renew my teaching license. Induced a mild panic attack when I lost my cashier's check between my car and the office. Luckily, someone was looking out for me that day and a woman in the office was able to spot the envelope laying in the street. Hooray! So, another crisis avoided and another thing off the list.
#87. See a movie in IMAX. Mike and I went and saw the new Batman movie a few weekends ago. If you havent seen it yet, I definitely recommend it. We loved it!
Now, for the half.
#101. Have a class pet. I will have a pet this year. It will be a beta fish. A friend of mine is moving back to Michigan and asked if I would take her fish. Of course! Yaaay! Now, I have a pet and I don't even have to spend any money. She moves in 14 days (*sad*) and then, I will have a new fishy for the classroom. So the kids won't start with a pet, but we'll have one in a few weeks. So I say I'm "half" done, but maybe the more accurate would be "in progress."

Do any of you have 101 lists? What did you get accomplished this summer (whether on a list or not)?

Not in the mood

This is my excuse way too often. Or "I'll get to it tomorrow." And then, "It can wait another week."

Ugh. I've just been in a funk for the past, well, at least a week or more. The start of school is rapidly approaching and I have done nothing in my new classroom. I'm really sick of myself for being the HUGE procrastinator that I am. I had a whole summer to get stuff done and I got NOTHING done. Nothing on my house and nothing for school. No copies made. No plans written. Nothing decorated or reorganized. I acknowledge that this is a part of me I don't like and yet I do nothing about it. Why is that?

Other random life news: I'm going camping on Wednesday. I'm going to be hanging out on the beach on San Diego for five days. Should be very nice. Hopefully, I'll be able to relax. I'm highly doubting it though because of all he crap running through my mind. I'm pretty sure this will rule out the possibility of getting pregnant this month though because Mike's not coming with me and I *should* ovulate during the time I'm gone. Just my luck that when I finally get a plan, my body decides to screw up the timing. Ugh. But, the thought of being on the beach and not really needig to concern myself with anything kinda makes me say "Eh, it's already been 17 months. What's one more month in the big scheme of things?" (I say this in between the moments of "But what if this is your month?" Stupid doubt/hope. Always nagging.)

Fertility news: My system is finally adjusting to the metformin. I'm now taking the provera as well. Plus, my prenatal vitamin. I take them all at the same time and feel like a crazy person with my pill regimen. 4 frickin pills every night. God forbid I start Clomid. Ugh. I just want to be a "normal" person and be able to get pregnant by having sex. It happened once for me. Why not again? I don't understand.

Sorry to dump on you guys but I was feeling guilty for not blogging for so long and I didn't want this to add to the list of things I procrastinate on. *sigh*