Monday, September 1, 2008

Because I'm neurotic

I peed on a frickin stick today. Before anyone goes and gets excited, it was completely and totally white in that all important test section. Just one lonely little control line. And I knew it would be. Hello, it's cd11. "Then Kate," you might be saying, "why in the world did you pee on a stick? Don't you know those things aren't cheap?" And even if you're not saying those things, I am.

Here's the thing. For the first time in, well, ever, I didn't really have a period. It was more 2 days of medium to light spotting and it was gone. No cramps (which if you know me is extremely rare). So my brain has just been on high alert, waiting for FP (frickin period) to ACTUALLY come and it hasn't. Therefore, being the complete and utter whacko infertile that I am, I thought, "Well, maybe, just MAYBE, that was implantation spotting."

Nevermind the fact that according to the CBEFM I haven't ovulated in two months. Nevermind the fact that sex has been the absolute last thing on my mind lately, and so has been pretty much non-existant. "Yes," I say to myself, "but what if the CBEFM is wrong? And what if that one time was just right?" And that is why that stupid, niggling, "Could I be pregnant?" thought has been in the back of my mind for over a week now. That is why I HAD to test to make sure. I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was a true NEED people. I was slowly going insane (well, more insane I guess. Because, obviously, I was already there). And now I know. B.F.N.


Sarah R. said...

Just for the record..I think it's good you peed on a stick. Not the disappointment, but the knowing part. I love that you're neurotic. I'd have to know as well. And I'm excited about the change in the spotting..Maybe the meds are working???
We need to catch up. I've been a poor phone friend lately. Let's have a phone "date night" soon. :)

Rach said...

You pee on as many sticks as you want. I know I did and sometimes knowing is much better than the neurosis that comes with wondering and waiting.