Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I have survived

The first few days back at school after three months off. My class seems like a pretty good group this year. *sigh of relief* I was having anxiety attacks for about a week leading up to the first day. Glad those are over (for the most part).

I know certain people *cough Duck* like to see my classroom, and I like to oblige, so here are some pictures. They are posted in sequence around the room in a clockwise fashion. So, if I could string them all together, you could have a 360 view of my room. But alas, I am not talented like that so you'll have to use your imagination.

View from the entry. My room is outside the actual building this year so I get natural light in there. Yaaay.

Looking right from the entrance. My small group table and the front of the room. The arrow and writing says, "Please note the obnoxious pink wall." Lovely, isn't it?

Continuing to look right, this time from the library corner. Isn't that pink wall just the best? *gag* And my TV that is stuck looking at the wall. Perfect.

Closeup of a new management technique I'm trying this year. Class/self check. So far, these first few days at least, it has worked pretty well.

Looking around some more. Look at my windows!! Yaaay for light!!!! Our ECS hasn't bothered installing the three other computers he said I was getting yet. That's what will go in that big empty space on the tables. And that teacher desk there under the backpack rack - it's gone now.

There's the door and the front view of the cabinets you see from the entrance.

And there's the library from another angle. Plus my crooked maps and birthday cakes. Also, "Please note the two different colored walls. Nice, eh?" The other message is pointing to where the pink wall is. You would think that in a room this small, they could at least get the color the same. But alas, no.

So, there's an update for you curious people out there. After about a week or so of at least 8 hour days working to set it up (it was an absolute wreck prior to this), my room is finished and is working on a whole new group of kids. :)

(BTW, please excuse any typos. It's late and getting these pictures posted has taken me forever for some reason.)

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Please help me internetland!

So, I have been trying to work on my 101 in 1001 list. #63 is "Apply for a grant." And, I have succeeded in finding a grant to apply for. Go me! It's a small one but one that I really would like. I could get $500 to start a game club at my school. This seems like so much fun. But I need help. I need to get a list together of games that I would buy with the money.

Can you please help me out? I would like to expose the kids to games they may have never seen. Remember, these games are for elementary school kids between the ages of 6-10. So, no need for Hi-Ho Cherry-O. Likewise, intense and time consuming games would be out as well. This will most likely be an after school club that would meet for an hour once a week.

So, do you play games? What are your favorite games? Anything great that no one has ever heard of? Come on people, I need suggestions! I'll be grateful for anything you decide to share.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


FIVE women are pregnant at my school. Is that really neccessary? All have little baby bellies. One introduced herself today as "Mrs. So-and-so and Angelina. *high pitched squeak while rubbing her belly* We just found out it's a girl!" Yip de dah and hooray for you. It's only a matter of weeks until the other ones start announcing what they're having. And then it will be all the baby showers. Someone just shoot me now.


Topic one: Summer is officially over for me. Meetings at school start today. Open house is 4:00 on Friday. (That means my classroom has to be set up by then. *gasp* I'll have to take pictures and post where it's starting today. Believe me, I have a long way to go.) Then the kiddos come back on Monday. I'm having mild panic and anxiety attacks. I know they're gonna get so much worse throughout the next few days. *deep breaths* I'll be ok.

Topic two: I didn't need to worry about going on the trip. I didn't ovulate. That's 3 months of no ovulation according to the CBEFM. I must say, I'm worried. I want to call the doctor and see if the provera could be causing it. I doubt he would have me on anything that would prevent ovulation, but maybe it's forcing me to have a period before my hormones can get themselves back in check? I truly have no idea and am pulling things out of my head that probably have no basis whatsoever in medical science, but these are my worries. I'm thinking about not taking the provera next month and seeing what happens.
Oh, and I still need to schedule the HSG. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. It's going to have to wait until October anyways because this coming cycle is going to be way to close to the beginning of school for me to take time off. We'll see what happens.

Topic three: Much more positively, I have completed 3 and a half of the things on my 101 list.
#48. Change my name with the school district. A huge ordeal that took 3 days. Still, it's done!
#49. Renew my teaching license. Induced a mild panic attack when I lost my cashier's check between my car and the office. Luckily, someone was looking out for me that day and a woman in the office was able to spot the envelope laying in the street. Hooray! So, another crisis avoided and another thing off the list.
#87. See a movie in IMAX. Mike and I went and saw the new Batman movie a few weekends ago. If you havent seen it yet, I definitely recommend it. We loved it!
Now, for the half.
#101. Have a class pet. I will have a pet this year. It will be a beta fish. A friend of mine is moving back to Michigan and asked if I would take her fish. Of course! Yaaay! Now, I have a pet and I don't even have to spend any money. She moves in 14 days (*sad*) and then, I will have a new fishy for the classroom. So the kids won't start with a pet, but we'll have one in a few weeks. So I say I'm "half" done, but maybe the more accurate would be "in progress."

Do any of you have 101 lists? What did you get accomplished this summer (whether on a list or not)?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Not in the mood

This is my excuse way too often. Or "I'll get to it tomorrow." And then, "It can wait another week."

Ugh. I've just been in a funk for the past, well, at least a week or more. The start of school is rapidly approaching and I have done nothing in my new classroom. I'm really sick of myself for being the HUGE procrastinator that I am. I had a whole summer to get stuff done and I got NOTHING done. Nothing on my house and nothing for school. No copies made. No plans written. Nothing decorated or reorganized. I acknowledge that this is a part of me I don't like and yet I do nothing about it. Why is that?

Other random life news: I'm going camping on Wednesday. I'm going to be hanging out on the beach on San Diego for five days. Should be very nice. Hopefully, I'll be able to relax. I'm highly doubting it though because of all he crap running through my mind. I'm pretty sure this will rule out the possibility of getting pregnant this month though because Mike's not coming with me and I *should* ovulate during the time I'm gone. Just my luck that when I finally get a plan, my body decides to screw up the timing. Ugh. But, the thought of being on the beach and not really needig to concern myself with anything kinda makes me say "Eh, it's already been 17 months. What's one more month in the big scheme of things?" (I say this in between the moments of "But what if this is your month?" Stupid doubt/hope. Always nagging.)
Fertility news: My system is finally adjusting to the metformin. I'm now taking the provera as well. Plus, my prenatal vitamin. I take them all at the same time and feel like a crazy person with my pill regimen. 4 frickin pills every night. God forbid I start Clomid. Ugh. I just want to be a "normal" person and be able to get pregnant by having sex. It happened once for me. Why not again? I don't understand.

Sorry to dump on you guys but I was feeling guilty for not blogging for so long and I didn't want this to add to the list of things I procrastinate on. *sigh*

Monday, August 4, 2008

It's only day 4?!

This Metformin is really screwing with me. The side effects. I don't like them. I have to go to the bathroom. A lot. I'm losing my appetite, but I'm supposed to eat three meals a day. I'm not particularly thirsty, but I have to make sure I stay hydrated. I'm having crazy mood swings. I get sleepy every day between 5 and 6 p.m. I have had headaches every night. I'm hoping that my body will adjust to all of this in a week. I've been taking it for four days. I'm hoping that by Friday, things will have settled down a bit. ::fingers crossed:: Did any of you have these side effects? Others that I haven't had the joy of experiencing? Did they ever go away? (please say yes)

Not much else to report in fertility news. It's cd11 and I'm at low on the CBEFM. Not a shock. I just really hope that I actually ovulate this month. It would be a nice change for my body to function the way it's supposed to.

"Do you have kids?"

Ugh. I'm so sick of this question. Some of our most common answers: "No." "Not yet." "We're trying." "We'll take them when they come." "Shove a stick up your ass I hate you." (Ok, so obviously not the last one. But I sooooo feel like it with some people.)

Mike and I had a long conversation with some new people. We'll call them M and L. They were in their late 30's and had older kids. They had grown up in New York City and were discussing how different it is out here. They said that the drug availability and use here is rampant. I really don't know. I can't get a prescription for pain killers when I'm having a miscarriage, much less a headache. But these people work in a much different industry and say that drugs abound. I don't doubt them. I know a few people in my life (unfortunately) are druggies. Whether this is because of the ease of getting them or that they just have the contacts, I don't know. Then, we moved on to talking about kids.

I had told them that I was a teacher. Since I teach second grade, my kids are pretty good overall. Most of them still like school and want to learn. They still love their teacher and most of the drama can be smoothed over pretty easily. But it's scary how little the threat of calling home makes. I would have been begging and making deals with my teacher if she threatened to call my mom. We all came to the conclusion that we were all scared of our parents. We started talking about how we had been punished as kids and what happens nowadays. Not that any of our parents abused us. We all agreed that anytime we truly "got it" we totally deserved it. (I had thrown a brush at my mom. M had thrown curse word after curse word at his mother. L had been caught smoking. Those types of things.) Now, it seems that kids have no fear of their parents. As if their parents are not really in charge. In this age of child abuse charges and everyone being in everyone else's business, it seems like parents are unsure of how they are supposed to discipline their child. I don't have any wonderful revelations except this: consistancy people. Whatever you tell your child you're going to do, do it. If you start it, follow through. If it's taking away the computer, take away the computer. If it's no TV, then no TV. No playing outside for a week, then no playing outside. On on and on. Then they ask, "do you have kids?" And this is where I have to bite my tongue.

No. I don't. And not from lack of trying. And I know that the next words out of their mouths are going to be "well, you'll understand when you have kids." I understand where you're coming from. I understand that it's hard to do. And I understand that you can't always do it. And I understand that if you don't, you sometimes feel like a failure because you're not being a "good parent." No. I do understand. I teach a very large group of seven year olds every day. But if I ran my classroom the way some parents run their homes, I'd be insane and we'd have absolute Bedlam at school. Not that I'm saying that you can run your house the same way you run a classroom, but similar principals apply. Main thing being, kids need to know rules and consequences exist. They need to know, for example, that whining and crying and pitching a fit in the store about a toy that they're not getting, but they want, will NOT get them that toy (this was one of my biggest pet peeves while I worked retail). If you give in too many times, that becomes something your kid is going to do over and over and over. Now, as for the consequence for that, I leave it to individual parents. But whatever you do, do SOMETHING. Positive reinforcement for bad behavior leads to that bad behavior continuing.

I just hate that because I don't have kids, any ideas I have about children is discounted. And I know that things will change when we have kids, but I know that I can think logically now about what I would LIKE to put in place. Rules and consequences will be one. And I understand that there are grey areas and some things slip by. This happens more often than I'd like in my classroom. But still, the rules are in place and the kids know that they're just lucky if they don't have to deal with the consequences. It's not a given or expected result.

Alright, I'm stepping off my soapbox. To all of you out there in internetland, what do you think? Am I completely off the mark? Are rules and consequences unable to go along with parenting? What are some struggles and surprises that you have had? Help me out here people.

And to my fellow infertiles, do you come up against this too? Do you have anything that you want to have in place as parents that you think people with kids would laugh at you for?