Tuesday, September 30, 2008

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Sing along now everyone. :)

My day started out with this:


It came up really quick, too. So that made me feel better.


The drive to work produced this BEAUTIFUL sunrise. (Don't worry, I wasn't driving)


At school my kids were great. We even got to start our Air and Weather science unit. Here's a pic I took of the kids experimenting.

Notice the blue circled feather. The kids were having a blast trying to keep them up in the air. Also, I have highlighted the kid in the corner. He was AMAZED that he could blow a cotton ball across his desk with a straw. :D


The sun was setting as we drove home. Again, it was beautiful. I took this one out the car window.

And I made Mike pull the car over so we could get this one at the end of our street.


Aaaaaand, I heard back from the nurse. On Friday (3w6d pg), my HCG was 81 and my progesterone was 16.4. I *think* those are decent numbers for early pregnancy. She had me come in for another blood test today to check that the numbers are doubling correctly. (Yes, I know it's supposed t be a 48 hour test, but again, my office is stupid.) I can just tell you that I will be happy if the numbers are around 300 from this one. And I hope my progesterone goes up.

So, all in all, it was a very good day. And now I'm off to have sweet potato fries and a BLT with avocado. Yuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Oh the things I do to stay amused

Is it wrong that I have spent the last few hours watching Tony Award videos on YouTube? Well, even if it is, I don't wanna know. Because I have a great time and get very distracted while I'm in Broadwayland. :) And since I don't know how many of you are into Broadway, I will share a few of my other amusing finds.

I enjoy this one as I LOVE the song (it was at my wedding) and this guy is just entertaining. (Oh yeah, don't forget to pause the music player on the blog.)



And who doesn't love The Muppets? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I officially hate my doctor's office

They did not call me with results today. Don't they know that I'm a nervous wreck? And being a nervous wreck is not good. It gives me an upset stomach and heartburn. Not to mention horrible sleeping patterns. And I'm tired enough as it is people! I called all through my prep today (50 minutes) and sat on hold the whole time! There is just no way that your office is so busy that you don't have someone that can answer a damn phone within an hour.

I so want to switch offices but I'm scared that the new place will be just as bad. Technically I could go back to my old place but I truly hated how they treated me when I had the miscarriage. Basically it was a big f*k off. Good luck and call us when you're pregnant again. Gee thanks. Plus, I really don't want to be that patient who hops doctors until she gets the answer or treatment she wants. But I guess I just require better service. And I expect the staff to be knowledgable. I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you? Some days I feel like I know more than half of the people that work in that office.

So, the point is, I don't really have any solid updates. FRER was still very light pink today. But at least I'm still testing positive (yaay). aAd there's been no more spotting (yaaay again). When I know anything more, I'll let you guys know.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I think I'm losing it

Help. I can't stop screaming inside. I was feeling so positive the first few days.
I've been taking a test every morning just to make sure they're still showing up positive. I have had cramping non-stop but was dismissing it because it's really not that bad. Just constant.
The test I took yesterday showed a positive line. I watched the pee go across the stick and set off the line. I thought, "Yaaay! It's strong enough that I don't even need to wait for the 3 minutes." When I went back to look at the test later in the day, the line as gone. WTF?! Gone. Nada. White as snow.
So I, of course, jump online to find out if this is normal. No. No it's not. And according to some places, a disappearing positive should be considered a negative. Negative? But I have two postives from previous days? How can I have a disappearing positive/negative result now?
Of course, now I'm starting to lose it mentally. I'm rationalizing all sorts of things. Every feeling under the sun is running through me. Then I realize that I'm out of tests. I can't test in the morning. I need to get more tests.
Mike and I run to the store and I grab some FRER's and some digitals. They are the two most reliable tests I know. Mike asks why I'm getting both. I answer that I need them for peace of mind. He rolls his eyes, starts to say something, then stops. He mutters something which I choose to ignore and we pay and check out. Now for the waiting. I have to wait until tomorrow morning to pee on these stupid things.
It is now morning. I peed on a FRER. Had to wait the full 3 minutes and got a VERY faint positive. My period is officially 1 day late and I feel that the line should be much darker as there should be plenty of that stupid hormone in my body if all is going well. So far, the progression of tests has been:
Thursday: faint but definitely visible positive.
Friday: Definite positive. Stronger and darker than Thursday.
Saturday: Disappearing positive.
Sunday: Test on FRER VERY faint positive.
I have a sinking feeling that AF (I think I like Duck's term "absurd f*er") will show later today or tomorrow during school. If tomorrow's test is negative, I don't know what I'll do. Seriously, I'm losing it now. I'm trying to maintain hope, but it's really hard when all signs are pointing to a chemical pregnancy.
And Mike has pretty much written this off. He saying things like, "well, we know it can happen" and "we'll get it next month", or "at least it happened early." WTF?! I know that guys don't get attached like women, but still. I am pregnant today and I might not be tomorrow. That hurts. And I'm scared that this was yet another fluke. Is it going to take us another 15 months to get pregnant again? I don't know that I can handle that. And will they now start the clock all over again for treatment? They want a year between pregancies. Will they count this? I have so many questions and no one to turn to to ask.
Does anyone have any advice other than, "try not to worry" or "it's not over til af shows?" I'm so, so scared you guys and I don't know what to do. Help.

(btw, I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. I'm not reading back over this before I post)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Do you see what I see?

So, I tested this morning. Lookie what I got.....


Yes internet, that IS a plus in the first window. And a plus means PREGNANT!!! Isn't that a beautiful sight? After 18 months of trying and one miscarrige, I'm finally pregnant again. I am scared, and excited, and scared, and nervous, and hopeful, and oh, did I mention scared? Terrified even? But soooooo happy. Ecstatic. Joyful.

I haven't technically missed my period yet though. I think at least one of those scared feelings will go away if I make it through the weekend with no AF showing up. I have the feeling of cramps that I get before AF shows. But absolutely no spotting which is a very good thing.

I went and got blood work done today. I should have beta and progesterone results on Monday. ::fingers crossed:: that everything is normal and that we have our baby in our arms at this time next year.

So internet, sorry to keep you waiting (as if you're all just so interested in my fertility status). You now know as much as me. :)

Now Katie needs to get her BFP. The CBEFM train needs to complete it's rounds. :D

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Sorry

No dorky pictures to be seen yet. And it's not Sunday. I fail in many ways. :(

Mike and I went up to the mountains and camped Friday night. Yes, in a tent and everything. (aaaaand the crosses off #19 on the list.) My friend Juliet is going to a journalism/film school she needed hours. Being Juliet (believe me, if you know her it makes sense) she decided to make a movie. I was cast in a main role. Mike got to be a zombie. Hahaha! The movie will be totally cheesy and belong in utter geekdom, but we had fun. I *might* post the youtube video if it ever gets uploaded. In related news, I completely forgot to put on sunscreen and the top of my chest is burned sooooo badly.

I'm still holding hope for this being our month. I'm not really having any symptoms but I didn't have any the first time either. So, it's just waiting and seeing. I think I'm going to test Friday. That will be 12dpo (days past ovulation) and I just am so impatient I can't wait until Sunday. (yes, slap me for being an early tester). The FRER (First Response pregnancy test) is supposed to be 93% accurate at 12dpo and that's good enough for me. ;)

Wish me luck! Tell me people, are you early testers or do you have willpower? Seriously, this 2ww (2 week wait) is killing me.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Off camping

Be back Sunday with dorky pictures! :D

Monday, September 15, 2008

Ok, I'll admit it

I am actually feeling hope for this cycle. I haven't felt this way in, oh, I really don't know how long. Our timing was perfect according to the CBEFM. I've been on meds that are supposed to help avoid early miscarriage. And I have been taking my prenatals every day. (not even skipping a few days here and there like I had been doing when I wasn't ovulating.)

I really hope this is our month. It's been "in the water" as everyone around me is getting pregnant. Hello FIVE women at school.

So please keep us in your thoughts and send any pregnancy vibes you can spare over here. Thanks.

The Hopeful Infertile

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Look what I got this morning.

*dances around the house* Yaaaay! Welcome back little eggy!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Just call me Piggy McPiggerston

Apparently, I'm a big fat pig. And I don't understand the point of appetizers.

How do I come to this conclusion you might ask. Well, let me help.

We (the teachers at school) got coupons today for a restaurant. The coupon was for a free appetizer with the purchase of two entrees. As I'm reading the coupon and thinking "well, I'll just hang on to this," one of the office staff and another teacher walk by and throw their coupons out. I didn't think much of it as some people may not eat there or don't use coupons. Whatever. But then their conversation starts. The main point being - This coupon is useless. Who eats an appetizer AND entrees? If I get an appetizer, it's my meal.

What?! Isn't the point of appetizers to eat before a meal. At least that's the impression I had. Heck, often when Mike and I go out to eat we get an appetizer, entrees, AND dessert. GASP!!! How could we? Now mind you, there are places where appetizers are absolutely meals on their own. Claim Jumper comes to mind. Also, at places where meals are family style (like most Chinese places), we order two appetizers and only one entree. But these are exceptions. I rarely go into a place thinking I'm only going to eat an appetizer. Maybe I'm crazy. Or just a big fat cow.

So tell me- Are appetizers meant to be your meal or are my school people nuts?

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Yum!

Alright, so the past few entries have been short and a bit angry. It's time for something a bit more upbeat. Well, at least it's upbeat for me. Food!

I love food. I love cooking. I would love to be a chef. The best job ever. You get to do all the fun cooking stuff but have other people to do all the prep work and cleaning. Heaven. :)
Anyways, I made dinner a few nights ago. Chicken in a balsamic-caper pan sauce, whole wheat thin spaghetti, and mixed veggies (corn, baby carrots, and asparagus. best.mix.ever.)

Of course, I had to add cheese to my pasta. Who can eat pasta without cheese? I had cooked an extra chicken breast and we had leftover pasta at the end of the night as well and I was so excited that I could have it for lunch the next day. Then Mike headed down to go eat it! What? Wait! That's mine! I ended up needing to bribe him with ice cream before he would leave me the leftovers. (bribery is an often used tactic in out house. second only to bargaining.)

This has become one of our go to meals. It's pretty easy and the sauce is really easy to change up. And it's soooo tasty.

What is your go to meal? Or your favorite meal? Or do you absolutely hate to cook? Share people. Share.

Edited to add: Here's the link to the recipe. Who knew that you could get the entire BHG cookbook online? http://tinyurl.com/6d25mh Enjoy!

Monday, September 8, 2008

woohoo!

cd18=high! come on peak!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

cd17

still nothing but "low." damn infertility. stupid cbefm for making sure it's fresh in my head every day.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Let's get going here

Seriously, my cycle needs a swift kick in the rear. Or maybe the CBEFM is finally working right. It's cd14 and I'm still low. Usually I've been peeing on sticks for days at this point and have had highs since about cd11. Now, nothing. Peeing on the stciks with no results. Maybe this month it will really pick up the complete lack of ovulation. I think the past few months it just couldn't believe that I didn't ovulate and was giving me pity highs. I can almost hear it saying, "Well sweetie, you *should* be getting highs, so we'll show you what they look like. Unfortunately, we can't fake a peak for you."

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. Maybe talking about it will get my body to realize, "Oh yeah! That dang ovulation thing. We should get on that."

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

TaaDaaah!!!

I have officially sent in my grant application! Hooray and wahoo!!! I'm very happy with myself. Now for the waiting game. I don't know when they'll be choosing who will get the grant. I also do not know if more than one grant will be awarded. Guess I'll just be obsessively checking my e-mail.

Thank you so much to all of you that offered help and suggestions of so many games. Thank you to Duck who proofread (should that be two words? oh well, it's staying that way for now) my essay last night on the spur of the moment at 10:00p.m. (yes, I am a complete and utter procratinator.) I think it was pretty good. In case you're wondering (which I'm sure you aren't but I want a place to refer to to it), here's the essay. (most of the games that you've never heard of came from my friend Zap who has the most extensive knowledge of really great board games of anyone I've ever met)

Walt Disney once said, “I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.” This quote should be taken, printed, and placed in every classroom. With the amount of time students are stuck in the classroom today, it’s a wonder they haven’t completely lost all sense of imagination and wonder. Every moment is scheduled. Tests must be passed, scores must be raised, and recess is a thing of the past. Playing a simple board game could be the one time in a student’s day that allows him or her to unwind and use a part of his or her brain that is collecting dust from disuse.
With the benefit of the grant, six-hundred students would have the opportunity to engage their brain. In an after school club, students in first through fifth grade would learn to use cooperation, flexibility, dexterity, spatial reasoning as well as a multitude of other abilities. These skills, which are so difficult to teach through standard educational practices, come easily in the form of games. Students would be exposed to the familiar as well as the unknown. All types of games are available that are educational as well as entertaining.
Even the youngest school age children can learn good sportsmanship and friendly competition with games such as Memory, Chutes and Ladders, and Candy Land. Older children can learn these basics in games such as Sorry, Life, and Trouble. Students can learn to work together in groups to achieve a common goal in games like Terra. Guess Who and Cartegena will teach them to think ahead and use strategy. Games like Blokus and That’s My Fish entertain while children learn spatial reasoning. Fine motor skills and dexterity come into play in Dicecapades, Don’t Break the Ice, Pitchcar, and Jenga. Cranium Jr, Apples to Apples Jr, and Pictionary all help students to use critical thinking and problem solving skills.
In the end, an educator can’t go wrong if they follow Mr. Disney’s advice. By starting a game club at the elementary level, you set a child up for a lifetime of learning as entertainment as opposed to hoping to be entertained while learning.

I'll be sure to keep you all updated if I find out anything. ::fingers crossed::

Monday, September 1, 2008

Because I'm neurotic

I peed on a frickin stick today. Before anyone goes and gets excited, it was completely and totally white in that all important test section. Just one lonely little control line. And I knew it would be. Hello, it's cd11. "Then Kate," you might be saying, "why in the world did you pee on a stick? Don't you know those things aren't cheap?" And even if you're not saying those things, I am.

Here's the thing. For the first time in, well, ever, I didn't really have a period. It was more 2 days of medium to light spotting and it was gone. No cramps (which if you know me is extremely rare). So my brain has just been on high alert, waiting for FP (frickin period) to ACTUALLY come and it hasn't. Therefore, being the complete and utter whacko infertile that I am, I thought, "Well, maybe, just MAYBE, that was implantation spotting."

Nevermind the fact that according to the CBEFM I haven't ovulated in two months. Nevermind the fact that sex has been the absolute last thing on my mind lately, and so has been pretty much non-existant. "Yes," I say to myself, "but what if the CBEFM is wrong? And what if that one time was just right?" And that is why that stupid, niggling, "Could I be pregnant?" thought has been in the back of my mind for over a week now. That is why I HAD to test to make sure. I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was a true NEED people. I was slowly going insane (well, more insane I guess. Because, obviously, I was already there). And now I know. B.F.N.