Worst.Morning.Ever.

Ugh.
Started out with a happy, smiley baby that just wanted to be held. She was cooing and smiling and kicking her little legs in happiness. Then I had to put her in her car seat and drive her to the sitter. She just screamed her little lungs out the whole time. This makes for a very sad mommy.

We left the sitter (Mike and I drive together) and got pulled over for "speeding." It's a completely BS ticket and Mike and I are planning to fight it. We were keeping up with traffic AND going the speed limit. In fact, when I called my mom and told her our speed and location, her first words were, "Oh, you got pulled over for going too slow?" Umm, nope. "Were you in a construction zone?" Nope, just an asshole cop.

So we leave that ordeal and continue driving to work (for which Mike is already 20 minutes late). Mike drops me off and I walk to unlock the gate to go into my classroom. OH CRAP! Where is my purse?! I turn to watch it driving off on the top of the car. I'm frantically waving and screaming, hoping Mike will see me. I'm running as fast as possible to catch him while carrying my breast pump bag, my school books, my lunch bag, AND wearing a dress. Lovely.

Sadly, I did not catch him and as I'm walking to the freeway (hoping that it may have fallen off as her turned the corner) I start crying. My camera is in there. My keys are in there. My ID is there. My phone is there. How in the hell am I going to replace all of that? Alas, the purse did not fall off before Mike got on the freeway.

I walked back to school and into the office to call Mike and see if MAYBE it had stayed on the car all through his drive to work. As soon as my principal saw me, she asked what was wrong. I explained though sobs and she dialed Mike's cell for me. Mike answered the phone with "yes." OH THANK GOD! Apparently, he saw and heard it fall off on the freeway and stopped to get it. Yes, people, he stopped to get it. On the freeway. In 7:30 traffic. Thanks be to whoever was watching out for him that he didn't get hit by a car.

He drove back to my work and gave me my purse. Everything was just fine. You would never know it had been on such an adventure. Then, he went to work 40 minutes late. Fabulous.
From that point on, the day was normal if not pretty good. But seriously, I don't think I can handle another day like that for a very long time. No one should have to. ::sigh::

Now I will end my day by giving a smiling Bridget a bath, swaddle her, and send her off to sleepytime. A good ending to a perfectly crappy morning. G'night all.

She's sleeping

So I will try to update while she is quiet.  Seriously, last night was the toughest yet.  This child would not sleep.  She was wide awake from 7pm-4am.  Luckily, it was a quiet awake and not a screaming/crying awake.  Then, she went to sleep from 4-6 and was up again.  She's slept a little bit this morning but not for any stretches longer than 30 minutes.  I feel terrible for Mike.  He's been absolutely amazing at making sure I get sleep at night by taking her until she falls asleep.  Last night he would not let me take her from him though.  And he was soooo tired.  He's worried that if I walk with her and don't rest, I won't heal from the c-section.    Poor thing held her ALL NIGHT and then went to work this morning.  I LOVE that he cares so much for me and her, but I'm worried that he's going to make himself sick if he doesn't get some rest.  I really hope this little girl figures out the difference between night and day soon.

Anyway, I didn't start this post to complain.  I started it to show you more pictures of this little girl.

First day home.  Isn't that the cutest dress.  Oh, and that pacifier... Drives me crazy but keeps her happy so it has become a permanent fixture.  

Bridget and Mike with his brother and sister (and Chiisai).  His little brother is so cute with her.  He thinks having the "uncle" title is the absolute greatest thing in the world.

Meeting great-grandma for the first time. Grandma was amazed with all the hair. (as is everyone it seems)

First bath. (well, sponge bath b/c her cord stump is still there) She was NOT happy with the getting wet part but she LOVED the baby towel. This kid loves to be swaddled.

Finally, Happy First Father's Day to Mike. We took this last night so it's the most up to date picture of her. I can't believe she is already more than two weeks old.

Well, she's waking up.  I got lucky with 45 minutes.  I have other things to post about (my awesome mom, the adorable gift from Rotten, the animals' reaction to the little one) so, hopefully I'll get to them in a few days.  

I miss you all.  I'm still keeping up with you.  I'll comment when I can.  

Yup, still high.

And it's been a completely crappy morning.  Arg!

The bottom line is, my bp this morning was 140/70 and I'm "borderline" and need to get a blood pressure cuff to keep track at home.  I'm not on bedrest but I need to "take it easy." (as if I've been oh so busy up to now.)

And now I need to vent.  I'll completely understand if you want to just skip over all of this.

Added stress #1 -  I drove Mike to work this morning.  Then had about a half an hour before I needed to head over to the doctor's office.  I thought about going in to school just to settle the room a bit more for a sub but I was afraid I'd get stuck there.  So I went to the store to get some shopping done.  I get all my stuff scanned then go to pay with my debit card.  Oh fabulous - it's in Mike's wallet.  Thank goodness I had a credit card on me.  I hate putting stuff on the card.    

Added stress #2 - I packed up all the stuff into the car and headed to the doctor.  I decided to call work just to make sure they had received my sub plans.  No.  The office manager is not in today and they can't get the plans from her e-mail.  Can I please send them to someone else in the office?  Umm, no, I can't.  I'm in the car on my way to get a blood pressure check which I'm sure is skyrocketing right now.  I decide to flip around and print off the plans myself at school.  Then I'll be sure they're there.

Added stress #3 - I get to work.  At this point it's 8:00 and I should be at the office. I walk into the office and run into my principal.  She asks "so, your blood pressure's ok?"  "Um, well, I don't know yet.  My sub plans didn't get printed so I'm here to print them then I'll go to the doctor." She looked confused and I walked off.  I headed into the office and asked the clerk if I could use her computer to print my sub plans.  She stared at me like I had three heads.  I repeated my question.  She said,  "well, can't you just use your printer?"  I answered "well, I supposed to be at the doctor right now and I need these printed."  "Why can't you just use your printer?" "FINE, I'll use my printer" and I turned and stormed out.  Yes, looking back it was a little melodramatic but WTF?  Couldn't she just stick in my flash drive and print up the stupid plans?

Added stress #4 - So I head all the way out to my room (it's in an outside building) and boot up the computer (which takes FOREVER and a day).  It was finally ready to go and I stuck in the flash drive and go to print the plans.  Oh look, your computer and printer aren't talking to each other.  OF COURSE!  I started messing around with settings and junk, yelling at the stupid printer and computer, and 20 minutes later, I had plans for my sub.  I would have been done in 3 minutes if the clerk had just let me use her printer (I'm still bitter.  Can you tell?)  Off to the doctor now.

Added stress #5: I get to the doctor's office at 8:35 and tell the nurses I'm there for a blood pressure check with Vivian.  "Oh, she's not at this office today."  Are you fricking kidding me?! "She's at our other location.  Can you go there?"  I asked "Isn't there a nurse here that can take my blood pressure reading?  Really, that's all I need."  At this point, I'm fighting back the tears and a scream is lodged in my throat.  "We'll call Vivian and see."  The answer is yes, another nurse can do it but they're all in a meeting right now.  "We'll call you when someone's available." Thanks.  

I finally get called back about 15 minutes later and tell the nurse that I've had a really stressful morning.  She takes the reading and I'm at 140/90.  I break down crying and mumble "damn." She's really sweet and says "Ok sweetie, just calm down and we'll take it again in a few minutes." She brought me a glass of water and let me sit for about 5 minutes then took it again.  It was down to 140/70.  So, better but still high.  She would call it in to the doctor and they'd get back to me.

So I head out and cling to my phone.  I'm dying to know what they're going to say.  I call Mike and tell him what's up.  Then, I wait. And wait.  And wait some more. I try calling my mom when I get home to give her the update.  I can't phone out.  Um, ok.  Then I get an e-mail from Mike about an hour and a half later - my phone isn't working.  I can't call out and apparently no one can reach me either.  Great. Luckily the doctor has his number and got in touch with him.  They're not putting me on bedrest but I need to take it easy.  I also need to get a blood pressure cuff and start taking my blood pressure at home.  If it goes high and stays high, I need to go to L&D.  (let's hope that doesn't happen)  

Anyways, that's my update.  Hopefully my phone starts working and I can try to call the doctor myself.  All in all, it could be worse but I'm still worried.

My school is stupid

Again, I shall regale you with tales of the stupidity that is my school.  You may remember this post from earlier this school year.  Well this time it's not really the administration's fault, but still.  HUGE oversight on everyones part.

So, a few weeks ago we were preparing fire drill.  This may be a little known fact to all you non-teachers out there, but word about coming fire drills spreads quickly throughout a school.  Especially if you are not in your classroom.  I have the advantage of being in the "annex" of our school and so my door faces the school across the street.  The fire truck always does the drill at that school first.  So, if I hear their alarm go off and see the trucks outside their school, I know to expect a drill at out school within the next half hour.  I make sure that I don't start any lessons that can't be stopped quickly (investigating mealworms for example) and I try to keep my kids in the room (no bathroom breaks).  

Well, this drill was set to happen just as second grade was heading to prep.  I quickly walked my kids to P.E. and went back to my room to grab my attendance folder and emergency bag.  I was standing outside my room waiting for the alarm to sound when another second grade teacher came around the corner and asked, "Do you have a pull in your room?  The fireman is just around the corner and I need to find the nearest pull and there isn't one in my room."  Oh crap.  The fireman is just around the corner and here I am standing around.  (another side note to all non teacher people - the fireman do not pull the alarm.  They randomly grab a teacher and say something like "there's a fire in your trash can" and you have to follow the procedure and pull the alarm.  This has never happened to me and is one of my biggest fears in school.  Strange I know.)  Anyways, I say yes and both of us duck into my room.  I turn to prepare myself for the possibility of pulling the alarm.  And there is no pull.  

Wait - What?!  No pull?!  I know I have one! I turn to the other side.  No pull there either.  I swear I'm not crazy.  I know I had one!  Instead all I find is an electric cover.  Like a light switch plate with no switch.  CRAP!  Now what will I do if the fireman comes to my door.  

See it there with the arrows?  That's from the beginning of the school year.

The other teacher and I decide to hide (Yes, we really are grown ups. I swear.)  I turn out the lights and we hide behind the armoire (the one on the right in the picture).

A few minutes pass with no alarm.  Hmm, this is kinda strange.  We brave walking to the window to peer out and see classes streaming out.  Umm, WTF?  I guess we should head out, too.  So we do.  Although we hear no alarm (and believe me, a fire alarm is not a sound you can miss.  and even if you do, flashy lights should be going off as well.)

Turns out, the alarm system in the annex was somehow disconnected and never fixed.  Oh fabulous.  So if there really was a fire, we would have no way of knowing.  And all the pulls throughout the ENTIRE school were taken out.  There is now only ONE pull in the front office.  (the poor teacher that had to pull the alarm was frantic and on the verge of tears.)  Apparently, the school district people came through and "updated" our alarms to make them more sensitive so pulls shouldn't be needed.  (does anyone else see a disaster waiting to happen?)  The problem is, they didn't bother to tell anyone this.  It came as a shock to teachers and administrators alike. 

Yet somehow, we passed our fire drill.  I know for a fact that one second grade teacher was in her room throughout the entire drill (because of the no-alarm-going-off issue.)  Whatever.  Hopefully we all don't burn.

Until next time, be fire safe internet people.  And send some fire safe vibes my way while you're at it.  lol.

 

Wait? What?!

So, I generally like the administration at my school. Both the Principal and Vice Principal are very nice ladies. They are both also new to our school. We have had so many changes this year that I think many of our heads are about thisclose to exploding. New math program, about half of our staff is new, new reading ideology, etc, etc, etc... But we have all been dealing pretty well, I think.

Yesterday was a different story for me. I was walking out of the builing at a little after 4 (because really what teacher ever gets out on time?) My Principal was still in her office and had the door open. I waved bye and a "have a good night" and kept walking. Then I hear, "Katie, can you come in here for a minute?" Umm, ok. I know I haven't done anything wrong so I wasn't worried, but our principal has a way of grabbng people and roping them into teaching staff development activities or going to classes and such. No. It wasn't any of those types of things. It was her telling me thatI can't bring my kids out for the FIVE MINUTE break that I give them to use the restroom and run off a bit of energy. Seriously people, five minutes. I bring a timer. After they've been in school for 2 hours and are getting antsy.

I used to troop all my kids down and stand in line while they all used the restroom, but that seemed like a waste of time to me. Some kids never needed to go but they had to stand there quietly anyways while we waited for EVERYONE to finish and line up again. Ugh! Talk about a waste of academic time.

This year, I started bringing them outside for five minutes and allowing them to run on the field for five minutes. Anyone that needed to use the restroom or get a drink - this was their time to do it. And it's been amazing how many fewkids I've had leaving my classroom during work times. I just ask, "Can you wait until our break time?" and usually they have no problem with that. They really just need a break for a minute or two.

(A little background here. My kids don't get a "recess." They have whatever time they get before the bell rings in the morning and ten minutes before lunch. And that's IF we get out perfectly on time. Which is rare.)

So, my principal has decided that my break time is a waste of my precious academic time and I need to do the line up and wait thing again. Yes, you're right. Much better use of my time. Oh, but to make it "academic" I should bring Brainquest or "sponge" activities, or just ask questions like "who can give me three combinations of 10?" Yes, what a blast. Now, mind you my kids LOVE Brainquest. We do a few questions every day at the end of school. But they need a break! I don't think five minutes is hurting anything. Infact, I really think it helps because they can get out and clear their heads. Heck, it gives ME five minutes to clear my head.

So, now that I have written a small novel and completely rambled, what do you think? Should kids have the chance to have a short break from classroom routine or is it too much of a loss to the time they're in school? What was recess like when you were in school? If you're a teacher, what is recess like at your school? How long do your kids get outside?

School cuts again?!

Alright, so I don't know if I mentioned this before, but my school's budget (well, ALL schools in Clark Counties budgets) were cut by 70% at the beginng of this year. That means that our previous budget of $100,000 we ran on last year is only $30,000 this year. This includes all of our paper supplies, copier maintentence, toner for printers and copiers, pencils, erasers, etc... Understandably, we have been freaking out over how we're going to make it through the year. Well, it was annouced today that they are cutting the budget by an additional 12%. WHAT!? How the heck do they expect us to run a school of almost 700 on $26,400. That equals out to about $37/kid for an entire year. I truly do not understand how they expect a school to run on this. And I don't know where we can make more cuts from out budget. We're already down to brass tacks. I guess my kids will be writing with pencil stubs, broken crayons, and worn out markers by the end of the year. Heck, at this rate, I'll be lucky if they aren't using them by the middle of the year. ::sigh::

I officially hate my doctor's office

They did not call me with results today. Don't they know that I'm a nervous wreck? And being a nervous wreck is not good. It gives me an upset stomach and heartburn. Not to mention horrible sleeping patterns. And I'm tired enough as it is people! I called all through my prep today (50 minutes) and sat on hold the whole time! There is just no way that your office is so busy that you don't have someone that can answer a damn phone within an hour.

I so want to switch offices but I'm scared that the new place will be just as bad. Technically I could go back to my old place but I truly hated how they treated me when I had the miscarriage. Basically it was a big f*k off. Good luck and call us when you're pregnant again. Gee thanks. Plus, I really don't want to be that patient who hops doctors until she gets the answer or treatment she wants. But I guess I just require better service. And I expect the staff to be knowledgable. I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you? Some days I feel like I know more than half of the people that work in that office.

So, the point is, I don't really have any solid updates. FRER was still very light pink today. But at least I'm still testing positive (yaay). aAd there's been no more spotting (yaaay again). When I know anything more, I'll let you guys know.

Let's get going here

Seriously, my cycle needs a swift kick in the rear. Or maybe the CBEFM is finally working right. It's cd14 and I'm still low. Usually I've been peeing on sticks for days at this point and have had highs since about cd11. Now, nothing. Peeing on the stciks with no results. Maybe this month it will really pick up the complete lack of ovulation. I think the past few months it just couldn't believe that I didn't ovulate and was giving me pity highs. I can almost hear it saying, "Well sweetie, you *should* be getting highs, so we'll show you what they look like. Unfortunately, we can't fake a peak for you."

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. Maybe talking about it will get my body to realize, "Oh yeah! That dang ovulation thing. We should get on that."

FIVE!?

FIVE women are pregnant at my school. Is that really neccessary? All have little baby bellies. One introduced herself today as "Mrs. So-and-so and Angelina. *high pitched squeak while rubbing her belly* We just found out it's a girl!" Yip de dah and hooray for you. It's only a matter of weeks until the other ones start announcing what they're having. And then it will be all the baby showers. Someone just shoot me now.

Waaaah!!!!!!!

Topic one: Summer is officially over for me. Meetings at school start today. Open house is 4:00 on Friday. (That means my classroom has to be set up by then. *gasp* I'll have to take pictures and post where it's starting today. Believe me, I have a long way to go.) Then the kiddos come back on Monday. I'm having mild panic and anxiety attacks. I know they're gonna get so much worse throughout the next few days. *deep breaths* I'll be ok.

Topic two: I didn't need to worry about going on the trip. I didn't ovulate. That's 3 months of no ovulation according to the CBEFM. I must say, I'm worried. I want to call the doctor and see if the provera could be causing it. I doubt he would have me on anything that would prevent ovulation, but maybe it's forcing me to have a period before my hormones can get themselves back in check? I truly have no idea and am pulling things out of my head that probably have no basis whatsoever in medical science, but these are my worries. I'm thinking about not taking the provera next month and seeing what happens.
Oh, and I still need to schedule the HSG. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. It's going to have to wait until October anyways because this coming cycle is going to be way to close to the beginning of school for me to take time off. We'll see what happens.

Topic three: Much more positively, I have completed 3 and a half of the things on my 101 list.
#48. Change my name with the school district. A huge ordeal that took 3 days. Still, it's done!
#49. Renew my teaching license. Induced a mild panic attack when I lost my cashier's check between my car and the office. Luckily, someone was looking out for me that day and a woman in the office was able to spot the envelope laying in the street. Hooray! So, another crisis avoided and another thing off the list.
#87. See a movie in IMAX. Mike and I went and saw the new Batman movie a few weekends ago. If you havent seen it yet, I definitely recommend it. We loved it!
Now, for the half.
#101. Have a class pet. I will have a pet this year. It will be a beta fish. A friend of mine is moving back to Michigan and asked if I would take her fish. Of course! Yaaay! Now, I have a pet and I don't even have to spend any money. She moves in 14 days (*sad*) and then, I will have a new fishy for the classroom. So the kids won't start with a pet, but we'll have one in a few weeks. So I say I'm "half" done, but maybe the more accurate would be "in progress."

Do any of you have 101 lists? What did you get accomplished this summer (whether on a list or not)?

"Do you have kids?"

Ugh. I'm so sick of this question. Some of our most common answers: "No." "Not yet." "We're trying." "We'll take them when they come." "Shove a stick up your ass I hate you." (Ok, so obviously not the last one. But I sooooo feel like it with some people.)

Mike and I had a long conversation with some new people. We'll call them M and L. They were in their late 30's and had older kids. They had grown up in New York City and were discussing how different it is out here. They said that the drug availability and use here is rampant. I really don't know. I can't get a prescription for pain killers when I'm having a miscarriage, much less a headache. But these people work in a much different industry and say that drugs abound. I don't doubt them. I know a few people in my life (unfortunately) are druggies. Whether this is because of the ease of getting them or that they just have the contacts, I don't know. Then, we moved on to talking about kids.

I had told them that I was a teacher. Since I teach second grade, my kids are pretty good overall. Most of them still like school and want to learn. They still love their teacher and most of the drama can be smoothed over pretty easily. But it's scary how little the threat of calling home makes. I would have been begging and making deals with my teacher if she threatened to call my mom. We all came to the conclusion that we were all scared of our parents. We started talking about how we had been punished as kids and what happens nowadays. Not that any of our parents abused us. We all agreed that anytime we truly "got it" we totally deserved it. (I had thrown a brush at my mom. M had thrown curse word after curse word at his mother. L had been caught smoking. Those types of things.) Now, it seems that kids have no fear of their parents. As if their parents are not really in charge. In this age of child abuse charges and everyone being in everyone else's business, it seems like parents are unsure of how they are supposed to discipline their child. I don't have any wonderful revelations except this: consistancy people. Whatever you tell your child you're going to do, do it. If you start it, follow through. If it's taking away the computer, take away the computer. If it's no TV, then no TV. No playing outside for a week, then no playing outside. On on and on. Then they ask, "do you have kids?" And this is where I have to bite my tongue.

No. I don't. And not from lack of trying. And I know that the next words out of their mouths are going to be "well, you'll understand when you have kids." I understand where you're coming from. I understand that it's hard to do. And I understand that you can't always do it. And I understand that if you don't, you sometimes feel like a failure because you're not being a "good parent." No. I do understand. I teach a very large group of seven year olds every day. But if I ran my classroom the way some parents run their homes, I'd be insane and we'd have absolute Bedlam at school. Not that I'm saying that you can run your house the same way you run a classroom, but similar principals apply. Main thing being, kids need to know rules and consequences exist. They need to know, for example, that whining and crying and pitching a fit in the store about a toy that they're not getting, but they want, will NOT get them that toy (this was one of my biggest pet peeves while I worked retail). If you give in too many times, that becomes something your kid is going to do over and over and over. Now, as for the consequence for that, I leave it to individual parents. But whatever you do, do SOMETHING. Positive reinforcement for bad behavior leads to that bad behavior continuing.

I just hate that because I don't have kids, any ideas I have about children is discounted. And I know that things will change when we have kids, but I know that I can think logically now about what I would LIKE to put in place. Rules and consequences will be one. And I understand that there are grey areas and some things slip by. This happens more often than I'd like in my classroom. But still, the rules are in place and the kids know that they're just lucky if they don't have to deal with the consequences. It's not a given or expected result.

Alright, I'm stepping off my soapbox. To all of you out there in internetland, what do you think? Am I completely off the mark? Are rules and consequences unable to go along with parenting? What are some struggles and surprises that you have had? Help me out here people.

And to my fellow infertiles, do you come up against this too? Do you have anything that you want to have in place as parents that you think people with kids would laugh at you for?