A little alarmist, don't you think?

Or WTH is wrong with people!?  I saw this article today and have decided that people are crazy.  Just plain nuts. They like to use whatever scare tactics they can.  I mean, I understand that lead is dangerous.  I do.  But really, are kids going to eat all of the text in a Madeline book?  Chewing covers I have seen.  Nibbling a page or two?  Sure.  But eating just the text?  And probably a few books worth?  No. Kids just don't usually eat books by the time their parents would leave them alone with these kinds of books.  I love my used book shops and I still have all of my books from when I was little.  Heck, I have some books from when my mom was little.  Mike's mom even gave me his books from when he was little.  And I plan to give these books to the baby and I have no fears that she's going to have any health probelms due to lead poisoning. 

What do you guys think?  Are they crazy or am I?  At least I have the librarians on my side.

Is it strange to feel this way?

This post has been floating around in my head for quite awhile, but after recent events and reading this post by JackiTiger (who also made my common thread bracelet for me), I feel that it need to be written down.

I can't help but feel like I'm a faker.  Yes, I'm pregnant and I accept this (most days).  But in my head, I'm still suffering through IF.  It's so strange.  I feel the baby moving around.  We had an u/s on Friday and everything looks good (She's measuring right on track with 150bpm heartbeat and my blood pressure was finally down as well).  And I could not be happier about all of this.  But when I go out, I find myself being self conscious of my belly.  I love it and stare in fascination when I'm at home, but out and about, I wonder who I'm hurting with it.  Not physically, but emotionally.  

I know that there were days when we were struggling to conceive that it just about killed me to walk into stores and see the bellies.  I know there are other IFers out there who still suffer with this.  Target was often the worst and some days I would actually avoid shopping there, even though I really needed to, just to save myself the emotional drain. You other TTTCers know what I'm talking about, right?

Mike and I were out "shopping" (really, just wandering around in shops) all day Saturday and there must have been at least six visibly pregnant women in every store.  I swear that there must have been some pregnant water going around because there are pregnant women EVERYWHERE!  I actually turned to Mike and said, "If we were still TTC, today would have been a day I would have gone home and cried."  He looked at me like I had three heads.  I had to explain the frustration and anger that I sometimes felt.  And days when there were pregnant women all over the place were the worst.

The whole ordeal stressed me out.  I kept wondering if any of the other women I saw had struggled.  Were there any women I was passing by that were on the verge of tears and praying that they could just leave the store as soon as possible because of my belly?  I wish there was some way to say, "We struggled for this baby.  18 months of perfectly timed everything and monitors and drugs and one miscarriage before we got here.  Please know you're not alone.  Talk to me."  I mean, I have my common thread bracelet but only some people know about that.   And I've never seen anyone else wearing one.

So, in an open letter to all of you women I pass throughout this pregnancy (and into the time I'm holding a baby in my arms), I love my baby and I hope that somehow, you will know that I'm thinking of all of you in your struggles. I'm praying that soon, I'll pass you in a store and smile at your growing belly.  I hope that one day, we'll all be able to lift this weight that IF places on our shoulders and move past the frustration and anger we sometimes feel.  I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.

School cuts again?!

Alright, so I don't know if I mentioned this before, but my school's budget (well, ALL schools in Clark Counties budgets) were cut by 70% at the beginng of this year. That means that our previous budget of $100,000 we ran on last year is only $30,000 this year. This includes all of our paper supplies, copier maintentence, toner for printers and copiers, pencils, erasers, etc... Understandably, we have been freaking out over how we're going to make it through the year. Well, it was annouced today that they are cutting the budget by an additional 12%. WHAT!? How the heck do they expect us to run a school of almost 700 on $26,400. That equals out to about $37/kid for an entire year. I truly do not understand how they expect a school to run on this. And I don't know where we can make more cuts from out budget. We're already down to brass tacks. I guess my kids will be writing with pencil stubs, broken crayons, and worn out markers by the end of the year. Heck, at this rate, I'll be lucky if they aren't using them by the middle of the year. ::sigh::

"Do you have kids?"

Ugh. I'm so sick of this question. Some of our most common answers: "No." "Not yet." "We're trying." "We'll take them when they come." "Shove a stick up your ass I hate you." (Ok, so obviously not the last one. But I sooooo feel like it with some people.)

Mike and I had a long conversation with some new people. We'll call them M and L. They were in their late 30's and had older kids. They had grown up in New York City and were discussing how different it is out here. They said that the drug availability and use here is rampant. I really don't know. I can't get a prescription for pain killers when I'm having a miscarriage, much less a headache. But these people work in a much different industry and say that drugs abound. I don't doubt them. I know a few people in my life (unfortunately) are druggies. Whether this is because of the ease of getting them or that they just have the contacts, I don't know. Then, we moved on to talking about kids.

I had told them that I was a teacher. Since I teach second grade, my kids are pretty good overall. Most of them still like school and want to learn. They still love their teacher and most of the drama can be smoothed over pretty easily. But it's scary how little the threat of calling home makes. I would have been begging and making deals with my teacher if she threatened to call my mom. We all came to the conclusion that we were all scared of our parents. We started talking about how we had been punished as kids and what happens nowadays. Not that any of our parents abused us. We all agreed that anytime we truly "got it" we totally deserved it. (I had thrown a brush at my mom. M had thrown curse word after curse word at his mother. L had been caught smoking. Those types of things.) Now, it seems that kids have no fear of their parents. As if their parents are not really in charge. In this age of child abuse charges and everyone being in everyone else's business, it seems like parents are unsure of how they are supposed to discipline their child. I don't have any wonderful revelations except this: consistancy people. Whatever you tell your child you're going to do, do it. If you start it, follow through. If it's taking away the computer, take away the computer. If it's no TV, then no TV. No playing outside for a week, then no playing outside. On on and on. Then they ask, "do you have kids?" And this is where I have to bite my tongue.

No. I don't. And not from lack of trying. And I know that the next words out of their mouths are going to be "well, you'll understand when you have kids." I understand where you're coming from. I understand that it's hard to do. And I understand that you can't always do it. And I understand that if you don't, you sometimes feel like a failure because you're not being a "good parent." No. I do understand. I teach a very large group of seven year olds every day. But if I ran my classroom the way some parents run their homes, I'd be insane and we'd have absolute Bedlam at school. Not that I'm saying that you can run your house the same way you run a classroom, but similar principals apply. Main thing being, kids need to know rules and consequences exist. They need to know, for example, that whining and crying and pitching a fit in the store about a toy that they're not getting, but they want, will NOT get them that toy (this was one of my biggest pet peeves while I worked retail). If you give in too many times, that becomes something your kid is going to do over and over and over. Now, as for the consequence for that, I leave it to individual parents. But whatever you do, do SOMETHING. Positive reinforcement for bad behavior leads to that bad behavior continuing.

I just hate that because I don't have kids, any ideas I have about children is discounted. And I know that things will change when we have kids, but I know that I can think logically now about what I would LIKE to put in place. Rules and consequences will be one. And I understand that there are grey areas and some things slip by. This happens more often than I'd like in my classroom. But still, the rules are in place and the kids know that they're just lucky if they don't have to deal with the consequences. It's not a given or expected result.

Alright, I'm stepping off my soapbox. To all of you out there in internetland, what do you think? Am I completely off the mark? Are rules and consequences unable to go along with parenting? What are some struggles and surprises that you have had? Help me out here people.

And to my fellow infertiles, do you come up against this too? Do you have anything that you want to have in place as parents that you think people with kids would laugh at you for?