I feel that I am making a choice every day to allow myself to embrace or keep my distance (figuratively of course) from this pregnancy. Some days are better than others. Last time it took about 9 weeks to really wrap my head around the whole thing. We lost the baby at 10 weeks. So my brain says that as soon as I really start accepting that I *should* have a baby next summer, the dream will be shattered soon after.
In an attempt to stop this vicious cycle, I am going to try to live by these affirmation statements. I pulled them from one of my boards a long time ago and have had them saved on my computer since then.
1. "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby."
2. "I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."
3. "My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage."
4. "There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a miscarriage. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive."
That last one is the hardest. It really easy to say that worrying doesn't help anything, but I'm a natural worrier, and it's really hard to try to be calm during all of this.
But, I did get my second set of beta results yesterday. HCG went from 81 to 400. Progesterone went from 16.4 to 16.2. That HCG number makes me happy. That progesterone number is kinda scary. The doctor isn't concerned about it though so I guess I'll try not to be worried either. I went in for yet another blood draw yesterday. The nurse said she would keep an eye out for my results and get back to me on Monday. I'm not holding my breath. I'll be lucky to hear from them by Tuesday. Either way, let's hope those numbers continue to climb.
So, in an attempt to follow the second mantra up there, I went searching for a pregnancy ticker. There are some really cute ones out there! So, now I need help choosing one. Here are the top four contenders:
Which is your favorite?