Saturday, October 4, 2008

Choices

I feel that I am making a choice every day to allow myself to embrace or keep my distance (figuratively of course) from this pregnancy. Some days are better than others. Last time it took about 9 weeks to really wrap my head around the whole thing. We lost the baby at 10 weeks. So my brain says that as soon as I really start accepting that I *should* have a baby next summer, the dream will be shattered soon after.

In an attempt to stop this vicious cycle, I am going to try to live by these affirmation statements. I pulled them from one of my boards a long time ago and have had them saved on my computer since then.

1. "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby."

2. "I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."

3. "My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage."

4. "There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a miscarriage. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive."

That last one is the hardest. It really easy to say that worrying doesn't help anything, but I'm a natural worrier, and it's really hard to try to be calm during all of this.

But, I did get my second set of beta results yesterday. HCG went from 81 to 400. Progesterone went from 16.4 to 16.2. That HCG number makes me happy. That progesterone number is kinda scary. The doctor isn't concerned about it though so I guess I'll try not to be worried either. I went in for yet another blood draw yesterday. The nurse said she would keep an eye out for my results and get back to me on Monday. I'm not holding my breath. I'll be lucky to hear from them by Tuesday. Either way, let's hope those numbers continue to climb.

So, in an attempt to follow the second mantra up there, I went searching for a pregnancy ticker. There are some really cute ones out there! So, now I need help choosing one. Here are the top four contenders:

Choice #1.
NestBaby Pregnancy Ticker

Choice #2.
NestBaby Pregnancy Ticker

Choice #3.


Choice #4.


Which is your favorite?

6 comments:

shawna said...

Those are great beta numbers. You should be happy, because YOU ARE PREGNANT!
I really like the elephant. Does my vote count as 3 seperate votes?

kate said...

I think it definitely counts fr more than 1. Hahaha! :)

Rach said...

I love #2. The little feet are telling you to keep moving forward and keep looking ahead and not behind. Not to mention that they are adorable. I know this time is hard for you, but I think you are doing the right thing. One day at a time is all you can do right now and I think the ticker is a great idea. It took me a while to put one back up too after I got pregnant again. Your numbers look GREAT and I just wanted to let you know that we're thinking about you and hoping things continue to grow. :)

Sarah R. said...

Well, I know this totally doesn't help, but I like the little chick. No reason, just too stinking cute! I side with these girls in thinking you're doing the right thing. I think taking it one day at a time is good. It's hard to not worry about it, I'm sure, but I think that every day you're getting more and more good news, which is exciting. :)
We're thinking about you all and missing you :)

v said...

I like the little chickie crossing the hills. We'll take this one day at a time with you.

amanda said...

Okay, I'm pretty positive I posted a reply this morning, but now it's not here.
Anyways, in the other post I was saying that I still feel that way Kate. I get a little freaked before each doctor's appointment and ultrasound thinking there might not be a heartbeat. It's easier to keep yourself distant than to fully embrace it for fear of how you'd feel if something were to happen. Hang in there and know you're not alone. Let me know if you need anything or just want to talk.