Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'm so scared *updated

We took Bridget to her one month well-baby check on Tuesday. She's five and a half weeks and has not gained any weight. Her head is growing, she's an inch longer, but she's still at her birth weight. I'm so scared. The doctor called it "failure to thrive" which is the worst term ever as it makes it seem like something that can't be overcome. 

I feel like a terrible mommy. I feel like I've failed her. Or her little body is failing her.  And I don't know how to fix it. 

The doctor didn't give us any real answers.  He said it could be anything from not eating enough or not metabolizing calories to enlarged heart or lung problems.  So for the short term, we're supplementing with formula.  I've been pretty much exclusively breastfeeding to this point.  Now I BF and then we offer her a bottle afterward. She has been eating from it so I guess I haven't been providing enough to this point.  Hopefully this will help her get on track.  I'm so scared it's something more serious though. 

We had to take her to get blood drawn yesterday (my heart broke while she cried) and then she had to get chest x-rays done. I'm calling the doctor every few hours hoping that he'll have some update at least on the x-rays. 

Have any of you gone through this? I'm completely freaking out and fighting back tears every few minutes. I just want her to be healthy and happy. Is that too much to ask?

**updated**  The Dr called and everything came back normal in her x-rays and bloodwork.  Actually, he said something in her bloodwork was a little high but didn't say what.  He wasn't concerned.  I am of course. However, I chose not to ask what it was because then I would just spend the rest of the week looking up reasons for elevated whatever-it-was.  I'll be taking her in next Tuesday for a weight check (my idea, not his) to see if this supplementing is working. Please, please let it work.


zapswife said...

Hey honey. I'm so sorry that you guys are having to deal with this. I know that's a very scary term. I have a contact who may be able to help you; I'll email her and see.
Hopefully the supplementing will help her and get her to pack on the pounds.
You know you can call me at ANYTIME!

Kelley said...

So sorry to hear about this Kate! I hope she starts gaining soon. I'm thinking of you guys!

v said...

I'm sending hope and love. If you need/want to call, please do so. I hope the formula helps and that the solution is simple.

You are a wonderful mommy. You've been doing what you know is right and what makes sense. You've been on top of everything you should be. You are loving B and feeding her and doing the best you can and that's all you can do.

You are a wonderful mommy.

Rotten said...

Oh Kate. I am so sorry about this. I swear the medical community needs to learn NOT to use terms like "failure" around moms!! I am sure it is just that she needs more milk. It's more common than you think since it is so difficult to tell how much milk they are getting when you breast feed. Happened to my cousin too. If she is taking the formula after the boob then that is a good thing. Don't worry too much (you're laughing at that comment huh?) until you have more answers. You are a great mom and no matter what happens you will make sure that she gets what she needs. We are here if you need us. Keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kate, you are an amazing mother! You are doing a great job. I'm sure she probably just wasn't getting enough from you. I know that Emberly's eating habits increased considerably when I started adding formula to her diet. I will send positive weight vibes to B. I'm here is you need anything. Just continue being the amazing mom that you are.

Sabrina Horton said...

Kate, my thoughts are with you. I hope you get some answers soon.

shawna said...

Grant is considered FTT as of his last weight check, but we are hoping that with the g-tube we can change this fast. He is 11 pounds at 5 month old.
I am hoping that the supplementing works. It is so scary to see your baby not growing. I will be praying for her.