I'm back to being a teacher

I'm hoping that I won't be too bad this year. I can't say I'm starting out too well. Here it is, Sunday night at almost 10:00 p.m. and I don't have my plans ready for tomorrow. I'm sitting here blogging, watching Iron Chef, and eating chocolate chip cookies. Bridget has had her bath and her bottle and is now sleeping next to me on the boppy. Life is good. Just not productive (which it really needs to be right now.) Oh well.

Last week went pretty well. I like my class. They seem to be a really good group. My class is only 16 kids as of right now so that's nice too. One year I had a class of 23 and it just about killed me. My goal for the year is to be consistent in my classroom management. I always start out really good but tend to fall back on the same two techniques and I really need to use other things to keep the kids on their toes.

In Bridget news, she giggled for the first time last Wednesday night! Mike was playing with her after her bath and three giggles came dancing out. It was one of the cutest things I've ever heard. Alas, we have not been able to recreate it.

Bridget also finally met her great-grandma. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. My Grandma has never been what you would call a cuddly or loving person. She's just not one of those that really gives hugs or kisses. However, she saw Bridget and melted. She just couldn't let her go. It brought tears to my eyes to see her melting over my sweet little baby. (Please excuse the paint test on the wall.)



I will cherish this always.

30 days left!

Holy cow, where did the time go? Well, I know where it all went. To me procrastinating and not getting anything done, that's where. I believe I am on the verge of panic, but then I just calm down by procrastinating some more. Yes, good thinking Kate. Instead of dealing with the things you need to get done that stress you out, put them off a bit longer so you can calm down. Do you see the cycle? Yes, people, it's bad. And now there's only 30 days left and I don't feel like I'm ready for her to be here in the least. I mean, ready to have a baby - yes. Ready to see her little hands and feet and discover her personality and who's nose she has - absolutely. A place for her to sleep - yeah, not so much. Carseat installed - nope. Clothes to put her in - again, that would be a negative.
So, it is now crunch time. FMLA paperwork gets sent in tomorrow (they won't take it until 30 days before your due date). Tape goes up in the room tonight or tomorrow (gotta get a level to make sure the lines are straight). Painting *hopefully* happens this weekend. And then Mike gets to put together the crib and bribe some people into getting the heaviest dresser in the world up the stairs. I have a breastfeeding class Thursday night and a Comfort Measures for Labor class next Tuesday. And then, there's the actually getting baby stuff. My work shower was yesterday and it was great. I have to get all of that stuff unpacked and put away. My friends and family shower is coming up soon. Hopefully she hold out until then. Oh, I actually found my camera cord the other night so there will be a picture EXTRAVAGANZA in the near future.
Okey doke, now that I've rambled enough to get my mind a bit clearer, I'm off to prepare for another day of second graders. ::deep breath::

Where to start?

I haven't blogged in so long that I don't even know where to start.  So the time between blogs has gotten even longer and then more happens and then I'm even further behind.  Ahhhhhhh!  It's a vicious cycle I tell ya.  So, today I'll just do a listy type blog and give you the basics of the past few weeks.

1.  My students know I'm pregnant.  Yes, finally.  I told them during a St Patrick's Day writing lesson about why I'm lucky.  Their reactions:  "I knew it!!!"  I had to laugh.

2. My 24 hour urine collection (affectionately referred to as "The Pee Jug" by Mike and me) results came back perfectly normal.  No proteins (or at least the normal amount).   When I dropped it off though, the nurse had to make a stupid comment.  Here I am, carrying in a bag with my jug 'o pee, feeling stupid enough.  I walk back to the lab to give it to the tech.  Lo and behold, she's not there.  Great.  So a nurse comes by and asks if she can help.  I tell her I just need to drop off my 24 hour urine collection thing.  She says "Oh, well do I just need to leave it?"  Yep, that's all.  She says, "Oh, I can take it for you then."  And she does.  Then she looks in the bag and says, "wow, that's a lot of urine!"  Gee, thanks.  My reply was, "Well, apparently you pee a lot in 24 hours."  

3.  All that being said, I'm still being monitored for signs of pre-eclampsia.   My blood pressure at the last appointment was 148/72.  The doctor came in and said, "Well, you're not going to like this, but I'm going to need you to do the 24 hour urine collections every two weeks."  Ugh!  I pretty much begged not to to.  I asked if there was anything else.  Can't I just get some specimen cups and some of the little dip stick things the doctor's office uses? Apparently no, those aren't as reliable.  So, I'm on pee jug duty again today.  And every other Sunday it seems for the remainder of the pregnancy.  But as long as it leads to a healthy baby in the end, I'll deal.  It could be worse.

I have other updates and stuff to make (with pictures!) but I need to find my camera cord before I can share.  So, that's all for now. 

Already?!

Holy crap, I'm under 100 days!  Holy crap, holy crap!  I have waaaaaaaay too much to still get done (heck, started even) to have under 100 days left in this pregnancy.  Wish me luck people.  This weekend will start "Operation Prepare for Baby."

And I'm late as always

It's been dang near impossible to get the computer away from Mike lately. I apologize for the lack of posting. And the brevity that this one will be as well.

Mike and I are heading out of town this morning to go visit his parents. Should be interesting as we haven't seen them in about two years. Please keep me sane.

Our Christmas was small but good. I got some books I've been wanting and a lap desk. Very excited about that one. And my mom got me a whole bunch of maternity clothes! Awesome! So now I actually look pregnant and not just chubbier. And can I just try to explain how comfortable the secret fit belly pants are? Seriously, I could live in my jeans. Love, love, LOVE them. When we come back from the in-laws, I promise to post new pics.

Other things around are going pretty well. Not much new to report. I'm just patiently (well, kinda patiently) awaiting January 9th for our ultrasound. I want to see the little bug again. And hopefully this time, it won't just look like a blob. :)

I hope all's well with everyone out there. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that your 2009 is more fabulous than your 2008.

I'm out!

Of the pregnancy closet that is. My work holiday party was Friday night. At a wine bar. Yes, a wine bar. Perfect place for the pregnant lady. Most of the people that showed up are the people that show up for every get together so we're all pretty close. Some knew about our IF struggles. Most knew that I rarely drink. (an aside: In fact, I was getting teased at the beginning of the night being asked, "Where's your root beer?" It's a standing joke because I usually brought sodas of some sort to the happy hour gtg's (because most times I was in the dreaded 2ww).)
Anyways, I dodged around questions for most of the night. Finally during dinner, I broke down and asked for a glass of water. One of the teachers across from me said, "You're drinking water? Is that all you're going to have?" I answered back, "Probably." Her reply - "Why?" Here I paused mid sip of water and debated spilling the beans. My thoughts were flying. Should I or not? Well, I'm 15 weeks and things should hopefully be ok from this point on. I'm going to start showing soon and then they'll know anyways. I'd rather tell than have rumors flying. Then again, that's kinda rude to ask. Who cares why I'm drinking water?!
My answer came out mid thought. I didn't even look up from taking my sip of water through the straw. "Because I'm pregnant." Hoorays, congrats, and all that jazz followed. Questions about how far along I was and what my due date was. Lots of excitement over our "good timing" for the EDD. (I had to laugh at that one. We just got really lucky there.)
Then came something I wasn't expecting. From two different people on two separate occasions that night I heard, "I noticed you were getting kinda chubbier around the middle but it would have been really rude to ask anything." Apparently, I must have some sort of bump. I attribute it to the fact that I don't bother to "suck it in" anymore. But nonetheless, I will start taking belly shots this week to see if I can spot any differences.
All in all, I'm really relieved that people know and that word will spread on its own now. Yaay.
Now, off to write x-mas cards and then to the store. Then, I should probably write lesson plans for next week. Yes, I'm a fabulous teacher. Didn't you know? Haha.

Warning: Rambling ahead!

So, my friend Duck posted a blog today that got me thinking. This started out as a comment to her, but I thought is was worthy enough to share here and I had more thoughts to add.

This whole blogosphere thing is so strange when I really stop to think about it. I read so many blogs and I feel that I truly know and understand these women (I read mostly female blogs. Mostly dealing infertility). Some of them I wonder if I have ever even commented on. They don't even know I'm out there, living their story along with them. Sometimes I feel awkward. Should I let them know I'm here? A complete stranger. Laughing and crying, hoping and feeling bitter with them. Or would it be scary to think that some strange person knows their trials and tribulations?

When I first started blogging, and finding new blogs, I came across one that I followed for awhile. I commented now and then. One day, the girl commented back. She said, "Thanks, but how did you find my blog?" I was embarrased. I felt like maybe I'd been intruding. And I honestly couldn't remember how I'd found her blog. Probably through the random clicking on someone else's blog list. Either way, I never went back to that blog. I erased the link. Probably not what she meant at all, but I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Since then, I've been much more reserved in my commenting. I know that I LOVE comments, but maybe others really just want to use this space as a place to journal and maybe keep in touch with family and friends. And I try to respect that.

Not all are strangers though. Some I have established a relationship with. Whether through blogs or message boards, there are women I have never really met that I now think of as "friends." People that have shown so much support and joy and sorrow to a complete stranger. I don't even know if they realize how much it all has meant. I wonder if we will ever truly meet. Ever really "talk" to each other. Would we get along as well in reality as we do in the anonymity of the internet?

Do any of you have these thoughts? Do you comment away? Or do you do a lot of lurking like me? If you're a lurker here, please feel free to comment me. I promise I will try not to scare you off. :)

Just so you know

Umm, and I don't really eat breakfast. But I guess if it's pancakes at 10:02, I'd be all over it! :)What time are you?

Guilty pleasures

Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee OMG this stuff is sooooooooo good!!! Usually I'm all about the Phish Food (is that band even still around?) but it was nowhere to be found at the store yesterday. So I sat(well stood) staring at the freezer full of pints of ice cream. So many choices. I decided to try the Creme Brulee. And I am soooooooooo happy that I did. It's only 2:00 and I want some. Now! But I will force myself to finish this post. (See, I have outstanding willpower. Bwahahahahaha!)

Worst Jobs in History is hilarious, entertaining, AND educational. SCORE! The History International Channel had a mini marathon of this show yesterday and I was hooked. As a pregnant woman with a questionable stomach, I probably shouldn't have watched though. Would you care for some worm soup? Oh yes, it was a remedy for sickness back in the day. Blech!!! Take a gander though some of those jobs. Makes me so grateful that I live in these times. With my luck I would be the one that had to walk around in stale urine. ::gag::

Ninja Warrior Probably my most geeky guilty pleasures. I mean come on, it's on G4TV (aka the geek channel). Seriously though, some of these people are amazing. Some are truly and utterly laughable. And that's what makes it fun to watch. Just watch the video of "American Ninja" Levi. He's a freerunner and he's frickin'awesome!



What is your guilty pleasure? Have I turned you on to any of mine?

Oh the things I do to stay amused

Is it wrong that I have spent the last few hours watching Tony Award videos on YouTube? Well, even if it is, I don't wanna know. Because I have a great time and get very distracted while I'm in Broadwayland. :) And since I don't know how many of you are into Broadway, I will share a few of my other amusing finds.

I enjoy this one as I LOVE the song (it was at my wedding) and this guy is just entertaining. (Oh yeah, don't forget to pause the music player on the blog.)



And who doesn't love The Muppets? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Not in the mood

This is my excuse way too often. Or "I'll get to it tomorrow." And then, "It can wait another week."

Ugh. I've just been in a funk for the past, well, at least a week or more. The start of school is rapidly approaching and I have done nothing in my new classroom. I'm really sick of myself for being the HUGE procrastinator that I am. I had a whole summer to get stuff done and I got NOTHING done. Nothing on my house and nothing for school. No copies made. No plans written. Nothing decorated or reorganized. I acknowledge that this is a part of me I don't like and yet I do nothing about it. Why is that?

Other random life news: I'm going camping on Wednesday. I'm going to be hanging out on the beach on San Diego for five days. Should be very nice. Hopefully, I'll be able to relax. I'm highly doubting it though because of all he crap running through my mind. I'm pretty sure this will rule out the possibility of getting pregnant this month though because Mike's not coming with me and I *should* ovulate during the time I'm gone. Just my luck that when I finally get a plan, my body decides to screw up the timing. Ugh. But, the thought of being on the beach and not really needig to concern myself with anything kinda makes me say "Eh, it's already been 17 months. What's one more month in the big scheme of things?" (I say this in between the moments of "But what if this is your month?" Stupid doubt/hope. Always nagging.)

Fertility news: My system is finally adjusting to the metformin. I'm now taking the provera as well. Plus, my prenatal vitamin. I take them all at the same time and feel like a crazy person with my pill regimen. 4 frickin pills every night. God forbid I start Clomid. Ugh. I just want to be a "normal" person and be able to get pregnant by having sex. It happened once for me. Why not again? I don't understand.

Sorry to dump on you guys but I was feeling guilty for not blogging for so long and I didn't want this to add to the list of things I procrastinate on. *sigh*

Must.Get.Moving!

Alright, as soon as this post is over, I'm getting up and getting moving. I think that the cycle has gone too far. I'm not getting anything done because I"m depressed and I'm depressed because I'm not getting anything done. It's been 4 days of me doing absolutely NOTHING productive. So, today I will. List of things to do(because those that know me know I LOVE lists):

• blood work (ugh)
• return books to library (not done because I decided to recheck them out and actually make some of the recipes)
• go to school and get keys - possibly go to room and put things away (highly unlikely)
• call Jules and offer sushi for lunch
• go to Target (if everything else on the list is done, get a new shirt for the 4th) - They didn't have any shirts for the 4th, so I got a new kitchen rug instead. ;)
• load dishwasher (very important as it feels like almost every cup I own is sitting on the coffee table in my loft)

Edit: Everything in italics I finished. I even got in and got my brows waxed. Yaaay!! I'll get to the dishwasher tonight. Mike called and said he wanted to go to a movie tonight and he'll do the dishes when we get home. Even more Yaaaaaayyy!!! I'm feeling very accomplished and should be able to get my bloodwork results next week.

Edit again: Mike came home early and immediately did all the dishes and loaded the dishwasher! Yippie Chi ;) Now on to the movies...

In fertility news, it is cd9 (cycle day 9) and so far, everything's normal. I had a regular 4 day period (although is was very light) and the CBEFM has asked for sticks the past 3 days. All "low" which is good. Hopefully I'll start getting highs on cd11 or so and my peaks on cd14ish. That would be great. Alas, as Mike points out, "Honey, your body just doesn't work like that." *sigh* I know.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: My friend Shawna got these
yesterday. She and her husband have had a struggle to get this and I really hope for the best and her little babies ('cause there's the possibility of THREE in there!) Congrats girl!



The bad: I still have not gone to get the bloodwork done that the dr wanted me to get 2 months ago. I used the excuse that I would just wait until school was out. Well, now school's been out for 3 weeks and I still haven't gone. No really good reason why. It's supposed to be fasting bloodwork which means I need to go in the morning. Ugh. Not my idea of a good start to the day. I hate needles and I pass out when giving blood even on a very settled tummy. The thought of going in and having them stick me without any food in my stomach makes me dizzy. I was determined to go today. Well, here I sit at 11:53 and I have not gone. I have not eaten either. So I suppose I could still go, But we all know that's not going to happen. :P Here's to me actually getting it done tomorrow. I have a book club meeting at 10:00a.m., so I have to be up anyways. Maybe I'll go get the tests done first, then treat myself to a really good breakfast at Panera or something on my way to book club.


The ugly: My attitude. My brain function. My horrible, horrible jealously and sense of entitlement. I seriously hate myself right now but I just can't make it stop. Explanation:
I logged on to myspace this morning and found an update from a friend from high school - "I'M GONNA BE A DADDY" along with a bulletin and a full update. A quote from the bulletin: I'm gonna be a Daddy! Not a suga daddy, or a pimp daddy, but a bonafide genuine real life Big Pappa! (That's right, go procreation! I have swimmers!) Ugh! Now,this friend got married in January and now has a 12 week pregnant wife. I know that somewhere in my mind, I'm happy for him. And I truly do wish her a happy and healthy 9 months. But why them? Why not us? as if the fact that I've been trying to get pregnant for over a year somehow makes me DESERVE to have a baby ahead of other people who want babies. I know that's not how it works. And I know there are people out there who have been trying for FAR longer than me. But obviously they had no problems getting pregnant. We didn't the first time either but then we lost our baby. Will we ever be able to get pregnant again? Will we lose it again? I just hate that these thoughts even go through my head. I need to get out of the house and away from the computer. Otherwise this horrible spiral of depression and self-loathing will continue.

How do I get over this?!

Accountability

Need a place to waste some time and do something good for yourself and others? Go here.

In case you can't tell, I'm procrastinating again today. It's past 11:30 and I still haven't gotten dressed. Blah. I have got to break out of this cycle.

So, here's the list of things I want to get done. Maybe if I post it here and make myself accountable for it, I'll actually do something.

1. get dressed
2. take shower
3. go to store to get quiche ingredients
4. run dishwasher
5. wipe down kitchen
6. sweep/swiffer kitchen and bathrooms
7. laundry
8. pick up loft
9. vacuum (maybe leave this for mike :))

Alright, let's see what I can get done today. Thanks internet for keeping me on task.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, cd21 and CBEFM still says only high. At this rate, if I get a peak we may as well TTC since the party won't even be an issue.

Nothing

There is really nothing for me to blog about today. My life has gotten incredibly boring now that I don't have to go to work every day. I have these great plans for things I want to get done, but I keep pushing them back. I keep thinking "eh, I can get to it tomorrow." And then I don't. Hence the plight of procrastinors everywhere.



CBEFM still gave me a high this morning. I am starting to despise that thing. Even though I suppose it's not the CBEFM's fault. Don't shoot the messenger Kate.



A lot of girls that I "know" from the internet are getting pregnant. While I'm happy for them because most have struggled TTC, it hurts in a very selfish way. I think "I've been trying longer than you. That should be my BFP (big fat positive - pregnancy test)." I know that this is a struggle for all "infertile" women from time to time. (I still have a hard time thinking of myself as "infertile" because I did get pregnant once. Pretty easily too. But now it's been a year of truly trying and we have gotten nothing.) Ah well, this too shall pass.

Beware the minivan...

So, Mike and I were driving home from the movies the other night and saw the flashing blue and red lights signaling that someone had been pulled over up ahead. We got closer and saw that the cop "car" was a minivan. And not some cool looking, sleek, black, window tinted minivan. It looked like this

only without the cool background and tinted windows.

Can you see the cop that gets stuck with the minivan for the day. I imagine him mumbling, "give me the damn minivan....fine....I'll show you..." and proceeding to give out a bazillion tickets.

Can I get your number?

This is actually pretty accurate (at least from how I see myself). Try it for yourself here.

There are 19 letters in your name.Those 19 letters total to 93There are 7 vowels and 12 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:
Irish Female Diminutive of Katherine: Pure. Clear. From the Gaelic form Caitlin.
Greek Female Variant of Katherine. Pure.
English Female Variant of Katherine. Pure.
(gee, think my mom wanted me to be "pure?")

Your number is: 3
The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.
The expression or destiny for #3:An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.
The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.


Your Soul Urge number is: 9
A Soul Urge number of 9 means: With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.
You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.
As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.


Your Inner Dream number is: 3
An Inner Dream number of 3 means: You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.

Wanderings

Because this is what I do when I don't want to move. A feast of random internet wanderings for your enjoyment.

First, check your age I am apparently 16.6 years old and will live to be 83.4 Go me! What about you?

Next, I came across this which reminded me of dancing around in my friend Duck's living room during our flag twirling days. I also didn't realize how much he jumps around toward the end there. It's all nice and chronological until that last verse. Still, good job Billy Joel.

Also, for any that have a cat, this is for you. Even if you don't have a cat, open the link and laugh. Even though I've watched it probably 100 times, I still laugh. Probably because apart from the baseball bat, Sophie is EXACTLY like this every morning. Can't you just see it in her face.

"Alright, put the camera down and FEED ME!"

9:00 News

Our top story today: Hooray!! I ovulated!!!! That little eggy popped up on my monitor and made me so happy. I know, TMI, but it's my blog. So there. The weird thing is, I ovulated at a "normal" time. cd14. Here's to hoping this leads to a "normal" pregnancy.

And in other news, I took the day off of work. I have had a terrible cough for the past few days and my throat is scratchy and in pain. It's makes it very hard to teach when your throat isn't working right. Soooooo, I'm resting at home today. I think I'll enjoy it. Might get started on a new knitting project. This one I think. Yaaaay! Isn't it cute? I need to find a cute clasp like that though. And I think I'll add a little handle or something.

So, I'm off. To rest, relax, and knit. :) I leave you with another picture of Chiisai that encompasses my feelings right about now.

Sleeplessness

I know I should be sleeping right now. I have to work in the morning and yet here I sit, writing a blog post, messing with my lesson plans, and watching Guys and Dolls. I can't even express how much I LOVE Marlon Brando in this movie. Well, maybe it's not really Marlon Brando but his character Sky Masterson. I want to be Sarah Brown in Havana. ::sigh:: Why must I fall in love with "fake" people. Do any of you do this or am I the only one? I have fallen in love with many a movie character as well as a few book characters .::rolls eyes::

Alright, I really need to get these lesson plans done. I have a sub coming in tomorrow and need to be sure everything's ready. I HATE having a sub on Monday. It's so stressful. Seriously, I will go into work DYING rather than have a sub in on a Monday. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice in the matter for tomorrow as I will be in a meeting with the principal and a few other teachers all day. It should be a good time, but it's on a MONDAY!

I'm off to finish. Have a good monday all.