I officially hate my doctor's office

They did not call me with results today. Don't they know that I'm a nervous wreck? And being a nervous wreck is not good. It gives me an upset stomach and heartburn. Not to mention horrible sleeping patterns. And I'm tired enough as it is people! I called all through my prep today (50 minutes) and sat on hold the whole time! There is just no way that your office is so busy that you don't have someone that can answer a damn phone within an hour.

I so want to switch offices but I'm scared that the new place will be just as bad. Technically I could go back to my old place but I truly hated how they treated me when I had the miscarriage. Basically it was a big f*k off. Good luck and call us when you're pregnant again. Gee thanks. Plus, I really don't want to be that patient who hops doctors until she gets the answer or treatment she wants. But I guess I just require better service. And I expect the staff to be knowledgable. I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you? Some days I feel like I know more than half of the people that work in that office.

So, the point is, I don't really have any solid updates. FRER was still very light pink today. But at least I'm still testing positive (yaay). aAd there's been no more spotting (yaaay again). When I know anything more, I'll let you guys know.

I think I'm losing it

Help. I can't stop screaming inside. I was feeling so positive the first few days.
I've been taking a test every morning just to make sure they're still showing up positive. I have had cramping non-stop but was dismissing it because it's really not that bad. Just constant.
The test I took yesterday showed a positive line. I watched the pee go across the stick and set off the line. I thought, "Yaaay! It's strong enough that I don't even need to wait for the 3 minutes." When I went back to look at the test later in the day, the line as gone. WTF?! Gone. Nada. White as snow.
So I, of course, jump online to find out if this is normal. No. No it's not. And according to some places, a disappearing positive should be considered a negative. Negative? But I have two postives from previous days? How can I have a disappearing positive/negative result now?
Of course, now I'm starting to lose it mentally. I'm rationalizing all sorts of things. Every feeling under the sun is running through me. Then I realize that I'm out of tests. I can't test in the morning. I need to get more tests.
Mike and I run to the store and I grab some FRER's and some digitals. They are the two most reliable tests I know. Mike asks why I'm getting both. I answer that I need them for peace of mind. He rolls his eyes, starts to say something, then stops. He mutters something which I choose to ignore and we pay and check out. Now for the waiting. I have to wait until tomorrow morning to pee on these stupid things.
It is now morning. I peed on a FRER. Had to wait the full 3 minutes and got a VERY faint positive. My period is officially 1 day late and I feel that the line should be much darker as there should be plenty of that stupid hormone in my body if all is going well. So far, the progression of tests has been:
Thursday: faint but definitely visible positive.
Friday: Definite positive. Stronger and darker than Thursday.
Saturday: Disappearing positive.
Sunday: Test on FRER VERY faint positive.
I have a sinking feeling that AF (I think I like Duck's term "absurd f*er") will show later today or tomorrow during school. If tomorrow's test is negative, I don't know what I'll do. Seriously, I'm losing it now. I'm trying to maintain hope, but it's really hard when all signs are pointing to a chemical pregnancy.
And Mike has pretty much written this off. He saying things like, "well, we know it can happen" and "we'll get it next month", or "at least it happened early." WTF?! I know that guys don't get attached like women, but still. I am pregnant today and I might not be tomorrow. That hurts. And I'm scared that this was yet another fluke. Is it going to take us another 15 months to get pregnant again? I don't know that I can handle that. And will they now start the clock all over again for treatment? They want a year between pregancies. Will they count this? I have so many questions and no one to turn to to ask.
Does anyone have any advice other than, "try not to worry" or "it's not over til af shows?" I'm so, so scared you guys and I don't know what to do. Help.

(btw, I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. I'm not reading back over this before I post)

Do you see what I see?

So, I tested this morning. Lookie what I got.....


Yes internet, that IS a plus in the first window. And a plus means PREGNANT!!! Isn't that a beautiful sight? After 18 months of trying and one miscarrige, I'm finally pregnant again. I am scared, and excited, and scared, and nervous, and hopeful, and oh, did I mention scared? Terrified even? But soooooo happy. Ecstatic. Joyful.

I haven't technically missed my period yet though. I think at least one of those scared feelings will go away if I make it through the weekend with no AF showing up. I have the feeling of cramps that I get before AF shows. But absolutely no spotting which is a very good thing.

I went and got blood work done today. I should have beta and progesterone results on Monday. ::fingers crossed:: that everything is normal and that we have our baby in our arms at this time next year.

So internet, sorry to keep you waiting (as if you're all just so interested in my fertility status). You now know as much as me. :)

Now Katie needs to get her BFP. The CBEFM train needs to complete it's rounds. :D

Sorry

No dorky pictures to be seen yet. And it's not Sunday. I fail in many ways. :(

Mike and I went up to the mountains and camped Friday night. Yes, in a tent and everything. (aaaaand the crosses off #19 on the list.) My friend Juliet is going to a journalism/film school she needed hours. Being Juliet (believe me, if you know her it makes sense) she decided to make a movie. I was cast in a main role. Mike got to be a zombie. Hahaha! The movie will be totally cheesy and belong in utter geekdom, but we had fun. I *might* post the youtube video if it ever gets uploaded. In related news, I completely forgot to put on sunscreen and the top of my chest is burned sooooo badly.

I'm still holding hope for this being our month. I'm not really having any symptoms but I didn't have any the first time either. So, it's just waiting and seeing. I think I'm going to test Friday. That will be 12dpo (days past ovulation) and I just am so impatient I can't wait until Sunday. (yes, slap me for being an early tester). The FRER (First Response pregnancy test) is supposed to be 93% accurate at 12dpo and that's good enough for me. ;)

Wish me luck! Tell me people, are you early testers or do you have willpower? Seriously, this 2ww (2 week wait) is killing me.

Off camping

Be back Sunday with dorky pictures! :D

Ok, I'll admit it

I am actually feeling hope for this cycle. I haven't felt this way in, oh, I really don't know how long. Our timing was perfect according to the CBEFM. I've been on meds that are supposed to help avoid early miscarriage. And I have been taking my prenatals every day. (not even skipping a few days here and there like I had been doing when I wasn't ovulating.)

I really hope this is our month. It's been "in the water" as everyone around me is getting pregnant. Hello FIVE women at school.

So please keep us in your thoughts and send any pregnancy vibes you can spare over here. Thanks.

The Hopeful Infertile

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Look what I got this morning.

*dances around the house* Yaaaay! Welcome back little eggy!!