Do you see what I see?

So, I tested this morning. Lookie what I got.....


Yes internet, that IS a plus in the first window. And a plus means PREGNANT!!! Isn't that a beautiful sight? After 18 months of trying and one miscarrige, I'm finally pregnant again. I am scared, and excited, and scared, and nervous, and hopeful, and oh, did I mention scared? Terrified even? But soooooo happy. Ecstatic. Joyful.

I haven't technically missed my period yet though. I think at least one of those scared feelings will go away if I make it through the weekend with no AF showing up. I have the feeling of cramps that I get before AF shows. But absolutely no spotting which is a very good thing.

I went and got blood work done today. I should have beta and progesterone results on Monday. ::fingers crossed:: that everything is normal and that we have our baby in our arms at this time next year.

So internet, sorry to keep you waiting (as if you're all just so interested in my fertility status). You now know as much as me. :)

Now Katie needs to get her BFP. The CBEFM train needs to complete it's rounds. :D

Sorry

No dorky pictures to be seen yet. And it's not Sunday. I fail in many ways. :(

Mike and I went up to the mountains and camped Friday night. Yes, in a tent and everything. (aaaaand the crosses off #19 on the list.) My friend Juliet is going to a journalism/film school she needed hours. Being Juliet (believe me, if you know her it makes sense) she decided to make a movie. I was cast in a main role. Mike got to be a zombie. Hahaha! The movie will be totally cheesy and belong in utter geekdom, but we had fun. I *might* post the youtube video if it ever gets uploaded. In related news, I completely forgot to put on sunscreen and the top of my chest is burned sooooo badly.

I'm still holding hope for this being our month. I'm not really having any symptoms but I didn't have any the first time either. So, it's just waiting and seeing. I think I'm going to test Friday. That will be 12dpo (days past ovulation) and I just am so impatient I can't wait until Sunday. (yes, slap me for being an early tester). The FRER (First Response pregnancy test) is supposed to be 93% accurate at 12dpo and that's good enough for me. ;)

Wish me luck! Tell me people, are you early testers or do you have willpower? Seriously, this 2ww (2 week wait) is killing me.

Ok, I'll admit it

I am actually feeling hope for this cycle. I haven't felt this way in, oh, I really don't know how long. Our timing was perfect according to the CBEFM. I've been on meds that are supposed to help avoid early miscarriage. And I have been taking my prenatals every day. (not even skipping a few days here and there like I had been doing when I wasn't ovulating.)

I really hope this is our month. It's been "in the water" as everyone around me is getting pregnant. Hello FIVE women at school.

So please keep us in your thoughts and send any pregnancy vibes you can spare over here. Thanks.

The Hopeful Infertile

Because I'm neurotic

I peed on a frickin stick today. Before anyone goes and gets excited, it was completely and totally white in that all important test section. Just one lonely little control line. And I knew it would be. Hello, it's cd11. "Then Kate," you might be saying, "why in the world did you pee on a stick? Don't you know those things aren't cheap?" And even if you're not saying those things, I am.

Here's the thing. For the first time in, well, ever, I didn't really have a period. It was more 2 days of medium to light spotting and it was gone. No cramps (which if you know me is extremely rare). So my brain has just been on high alert, waiting for FP (frickin period) to ACTUALLY come and it hasn't. Therefore, being the complete and utter whacko infertile that I am, I thought, "Well, maybe, just MAYBE, that was implantation spotting."

Nevermind the fact that according to the CBEFM I haven't ovulated in two months. Nevermind the fact that sex has been the absolute last thing on my mind lately, and so has been pretty much non-existant. "Yes," I say to myself, "but what if the CBEFM is wrong? And what if that one time was just right?" And that is why that stupid, niggling, "Could I be pregnant?" thought has been in the back of my mind for over a week now. That is why I HAD to test to make sure. I just couldn't handle it anymore. It was a true NEED people. I was slowly going insane (well, more insane I guess. Because, obviously, I was already there). And now I know. B.F.N.