She's gone

Still no Sophie. She must have snuck out last night as Mike came in the door. We've searched high and low in the house and haven't seen anything. So tonight we made posters and hung them up. I asked neighbors to keep an eye out. We're going to call the pound tomorrow just to cover all bases. We put food and water out front in hopes that she'll find her way back to us. Please keep us in your thoughts and hope for the best. I know it may seem silly to some, but she's part of our family and she's missing. Mike and I are both depressed and struggling with this. I've never had a pet go missing and I'm so upset even at the thought of not having her here anymore.

I'm so scared *updated

We took Bridget to her one month well-baby check on Tuesday. She's five and a half weeks and has not gained any weight. Her head is growing, she's an inch longer, but she's still at her birth weight. I'm so scared. The doctor called it "failure to thrive" which is the worst term ever as it makes it seem like something that can't be overcome. 

I feel like a terrible mommy. I feel like I've failed her. Or her little body is failing her.  And I don't know how to fix it. 

The doctor didn't give us any real answers.  He said it could be anything from not eating enough or not metabolizing calories to enlarged heart or lung problems.  So for the short term, we're supplementing with formula.  I've been pretty much exclusively breastfeeding to this point.  Now I BF and then we offer her a bottle afterward. She has been eating from it so I guess I haven't been providing enough to this point.  Hopefully this will help her get on track.  I'm so scared it's something more serious though. 

We had to take her to get blood drawn yesterday (my heart broke while she cried) and then she had to get chest x-rays done. I'm calling the doctor every few hours hoping that he'll have some update at least on the x-rays. 

Have any of you gone through this? I'm completely freaking out and fighting back tears every few minutes. I just want her to be healthy and happy. Is that too much to ask?

**updated**  The Dr called and everything came back normal in her x-rays and bloodwork.  Actually, he said something in her bloodwork was a little high but didn't say what.  He wasn't concerned.  I am of course. However, I chose not to ask what it was because then I would just spend the rest of the week looking up reasons for elevated whatever-it-was.  I'll be taking her in next Tuesday for a weight check (my idea, not his) to see if this supplementing is working. Please, please let it work.

Yup, still high.

And it's been a completely crappy morning.  Arg!

The bottom line is, my bp this morning was 140/70 and I'm "borderline" and need to get a blood pressure cuff to keep track at home.  I'm not on bedrest but I need to "take it easy." (as if I've been oh so busy up to now.)

And now I need to vent.  I'll completely understand if you want to just skip over all of this.

Added stress #1 -  I drove Mike to work this morning.  Then had about a half an hour before I needed to head over to the doctor's office.  I thought about going in to school just to settle the room a bit more for a sub but I was afraid I'd get stuck there.  So I went to the store to get some shopping done.  I get all my stuff scanned then go to pay with my debit card.  Oh fabulous - it's in Mike's wallet.  Thank goodness I had a credit card on me.  I hate putting stuff on the card.    

Added stress #2 - I packed up all the stuff into the car and headed to the doctor.  I decided to call work just to make sure they had received my sub plans.  No.  The office manager is not in today and they can't get the plans from her e-mail.  Can I please send them to someone else in the office?  Umm, no, I can't.  I'm in the car on my way to get a blood pressure check which I'm sure is skyrocketing right now.  I decide to flip around and print off the plans myself at school.  Then I'll be sure they're there.

Added stress #3 - I get to work.  At this point it's 8:00 and I should be at the office. I walk into the office and run into my principal.  She asks "so, your blood pressure's ok?"  "Um, well, I don't know yet.  My sub plans didn't get printed so I'm here to print them then I'll go to the doctor." She looked confused and I walked off.  I headed into the office and asked the clerk if I could use her computer to print my sub plans.  She stared at me like I had three heads.  I repeated my question.  She said,  "well, can't you just use your printer?"  I answered "well, I supposed to be at the doctor right now and I need these printed."  "Why can't you just use your printer?" "FINE, I'll use my printer" and I turned and stormed out.  Yes, looking back it was a little melodramatic but WTF?  Couldn't she just stick in my flash drive and print up the stupid plans?

Added stress #4 - So I head all the way out to my room (it's in an outside building) and boot up the computer (which takes FOREVER and a day).  It was finally ready to go and I stuck in the flash drive and go to print the plans.  Oh look, your computer and printer aren't talking to each other.  OF COURSE!  I started messing around with settings and junk, yelling at the stupid printer and computer, and 20 minutes later, I had plans for my sub.  I would have been done in 3 minutes if the clerk had just let me use her printer (I'm still bitter.  Can you tell?)  Off to the doctor now.

Added stress #5: I get to the doctor's office at 8:35 and tell the nurses I'm there for a blood pressure check with Vivian.  "Oh, she's not at this office today."  Are you fricking kidding me?! "She's at our other location.  Can you go there?"  I asked "Isn't there a nurse here that can take my blood pressure reading?  Really, that's all I need."  At this point, I'm fighting back the tears and a scream is lodged in my throat.  "We'll call Vivian and see."  The answer is yes, another nurse can do it but they're all in a meeting right now.  "We'll call you when someone's available." Thanks.  

I finally get called back about 15 minutes later and tell the nurse that I've had a really stressful morning.  She takes the reading and I'm at 140/90.  I break down crying and mumble "damn." She's really sweet and says "Ok sweetie, just calm down and we'll take it again in a few minutes." She brought me a glass of water and let me sit for about 5 minutes then took it again.  It was down to 140/70.  So, better but still high.  She would call it in to the doctor and they'd get back to me.

So I head out and cling to my phone.  I'm dying to know what they're going to say.  I call Mike and tell him what's up.  Then, I wait. And wait.  And wait some more. I try calling my mom when I get home to give her the update.  I can't phone out.  Um, ok.  Then I get an e-mail from Mike about an hour and a half later - my phone isn't working.  I can't call out and apparently no one can reach me either.  Great. Luckily the doctor has his number and got in touch with him.  They're not putting me on bedrest but I need to take it easy.  I also need to get a blood pressure cuff and start taking my blood pressure at home.  If it goes high and stays high, I need to go to L&D.  (let's hope that doesn't happen)  

Anyways, that's my update.  Hopefully my phone starts working and I can try to call the doctor myself.  All in all, it could be worse but I'm still worried.

Normal?

So, I hardly ever weigh myself. Comes from years of being overweight I suppose. But this morning I really wanted to know how much I've gained. My jeans are all pretty tight now even though I'm still not showing a damn thing. So anyways, I got on the scale. And I've LOST 10 pounds. Is that normal? Is it hurting the baby? I knew peoplw lost weight during pregnancy but I thought it was due to morning sickness and stuff. I'm able to keep all of my food down and have been throughout the pregnancy. Please just tell me I'm crazy. And then tell me that I'm not suddenly going to gain a bazillon pounds now that I've voiced concerns over this lost weight.